im cold. everywhere.my hand and feet are cold. frm the inside. blankets dont help. im scared. hiding my head underneath. my heart is going fast. curling up on the bed. wish someone can hug me. im too cold. cant breathe. im trying nt to cry. it hurts.
my brother laugh at me for leeching off the family. he doesnt understand. I tried really but I dunno what's wrong that I can't find a job. It's getting harder to face ppl and I'm never good at meeting new ppl. It takes humps of courage to go to the job centre and ask for jobs. But then I always stutter in interviews and I never could look at their eyes. I'm feel like an idiot whenever I fail and he's always there to poke fun. I got mad at him, myself, tell him to go away and dump myself into the bathtub. Its horrible and painful. I thought I was a goner this time. Got out, didnt even dry my hair and just hid in bed. I'm a little better nw, after crying my eyes out and lying down. I'm afraid if he says one more word, i will really hurt myself.
Your brother sounds so unkind...so not listen to him; he has real problems..I am glad you are feeling a little better...keep moving...also, if you are having problems w/ communicating, maybe an evaluation to see if someone can help in the area of speech therapy would be indicated...so glad you posted...J
im still crying. I thought I won't cry anymore. I keep hearing my brother's words over and over in my mind. It hurts so much. The other day, he was laughing abt his friend who tried to commit suicide years ago. He says it's silly to kill yourself bcuz of something ur friends said and that the friend should really die frm behaving like that. I just feel so sad and scared. I dunno what I'm really afraid of. Just so broken and battered. I try telling my mum that I really don't like what he keep saying but my mum defended him. he's stressed up at work and that he's the sole breadwinner...i wish she can take my side for once and i fear that she actually thinks the same as my brother. i love my mum to bits. i will die for her but i cant do this. my heart hurts, im crying and i cant see the keyboard. i cant talk abt this anywhere else. i have no one to talk to this and im afraid of ppl brushing me off. why am i still alive? so to suffer? why am i even crying? im so embarrassed by my own actions. i really should just die. im so fucking useless. just let me die1!!!!!!