Hey everyone. Sorry I keep posting, but it's the only way I can 'talk' about my problems right now, and it seems to be helping. I basically had a mental breakdown on Monday and, for no reason I can think of, wanted to die sooooo badly. I couldn't get anything done the entire day..... Things are much better today, but what the hell do I do if this kind of an 'episode' happens again? My classes are going to continue to be damned stressful, and I can't afford to have something like this derail my progress...... As I've said before, once I get health insurance I can at least go to a doctor for my depression, but until then, I'm on my own, which sucks. And, unfortunately, it turns out my university's policy regarding 'counseling' is to call an ambulance if a student exhibits any suicidal tendencies, so if I wanted counseling through them, I'd have to either lie through my teeth about everything that's been going on, which I'm just not going to do, or risk having my life ruined. I know this is a horrible thing to say, but I'd gladly choose to risk losing my life to suicide than risk my career by 'coming clean' about everything I've been feeling. I'm so ashamed right now, which makes me feel even worse..... I'm afraid my life will collapse, and everyone will find out how wrong they were about me; that I'm a worthless s.o.b. I can't believe I just said that either. I don't think it's really true, and yet it's still how I feel sometimes. Thanks for reading, take care. You have all been very supportive so far.