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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Wastingecho, Apr 21, 2011.

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  1. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    afraid to close my eyes - all i can see is my dead body

    head is filled to overflowing with litany of failures, constantly reminding me that i am pathetic, worthless, unwanted, unneeded - it's an endless loop, always on, over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over

    pressed myself against the window on the train because i was crying so much - person sitting next to me moved away in case i was infected or something

    this is all there is - failure, pain, lonliness

    now my brain is showing me all the options - i just have to pick one

    i'm sorry - i know i'm just a waste of everyones' time and energy

    i'm a horrible person - i deserve this pain but i don't want to feel it any more

    i don't want to be a failure any more

    i don't want to be a burden any more

    i don't want to be lonely any more

    but i'm never going to succeed

    i'm never going to be anything other than worthless

    i'm never going to know comfort

    oblivion is calling my name - i can hear it - and i want to answer
  2. Marti2003

    Marti2003 Well-Known Member

    Your not a waste.... everyone has a meaning in this world... i know what you are feeling... i have the same, it is hard to reach something, the more when you are trying your best still at the end it is a faillure... some people are just not so lucky... keep on trying always, who knows you patience will be rewarded, never know....
  3. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    i'm all used up, wrung out

    have nothing left

    been trying sooooo long, sooooo hard

    now i'm sooooo tired

    sorry if i sound like a whiny angsty kid - head isn't screwed on right

    maybe if i remove the bolts it would fall off - ha ha ha

    i'm like a chipped windshield - one more little bump and i'll shatter

    made it to work but that means people have seen me - can't disappear from my desk without people wondering where i went

    but tomorrow is a holiday and i can say i need to go into work anyway - wouldn't be the first time - give me plenty of time to go into the city and find a place to disappear - no notes, no goodbyes

    i've posted here and pulled back before so if i stop posting everyone can believe that i'm still around - no one else gets hurt
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I don't see you as a burden.. I see someone in pain..Please don't harm yourself!!! There are plenty of us who care.. Call your doctor and tell him whats going on..Or if your in a really bad state go to the ER.. I for one would like to see you stick around.. Take Care!!
  5. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    can't stop crying for more than a few minutes at a time

    the pain is almost constant - it won't stop

    doctors and hospitals are useless
  6. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    Drained - numb - no tears left to cry

    So very tired but numb is good - no more feelings

    But it won't last - want it to last - don't want it to hurt any more
  7. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    That is some severe depression talking. Are you 100 percent sure you don't want to try meds or something?

    I hate seeing you in so much pain and not knowing how to help.

    I wish I could help make it better.

    I wish you did not have to hurt so badly.
  8. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    too many meds - too many years - too little results

    stopped the last ones 6 months ago after taking it at different dosages for a year

    still numb - helped when i got home and wife expected me to cook and i said no

    only one to spend time with me was my cat - and not for long

    so sleepy
  9. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    Didn't go in to work - didn't stay home - fixed lighter in my car so I can keep phone charged

    Going to drive around - want to stay away from unsafe places but still can't shut these feelings out
  10. Savsta

    Savsta Active Member

    hope your okay , i used to love driving around when i was down used to help me out allot , then my license got taken away because of my depression , what ever you do dont tell the authorites ! one thing i definatly regret. i was a bus driver at the time too so lost that job. anyway i hope you feel a bit better , here to listen and help if you need it :)
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