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Wastingecho

Well-Known Member
#1
afraid to close my eyes - all i can see is my dead body

head is filled to overflowing with litany of failures, constantly reminding me that i am pathetic, worthless, unwanted, unneeded - it's an endless loop, always on, over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over

pressed myself against the window on the train because i was crying so much - person sitting next to me moved away in case i was infected or something

this is all there is - failure, pain, lonliness

now my brain is showing me all the options - i just have to pick one

i'm sorry - i know i'm just a waste of everyones' time and energy

i'm a horrible person - i deserve this pain but i don't want to feel it any more

i don't want to be a failure any more

i don't want to be a burden any more

i don't want to be lonely any more

but i'm never going to succeed

i'm never going to be anything other than worthless

i'm never going to know comfort

oblivion is calling my name - i can hear it - and i want to answer
 

Marti2003

Well-Known Member
#2
Your not a waste.... everyone has a meaning in this world... i know what you are feeling... i have the same, it is hard to reach something, the more when you are trying your best still at the end it is a faillure... some people are just not so lucky... keep on trying always, who knows you patience will be rewarded, never know....
 

Wastingecho

Well-Known Member
#3
i'm all used up, wrung out

have nothing left

been trying sooooo long, sooooo hard

now i'm sooooo tired

sorry if i sound like a whiny angsty kid - head isn't screwed on right

maybe if i remove the bolts it would fall off - ha ha ha

i'm like a chipped windshield - one more little bump and i'll shatter

made it to work but that means people have seen me - can't disappear from my desk without people wondering where i went

but tomorrow is a holiday and i can say i need to go into work anyway - wouldn't be the first time - give me plenty of time to go into the city and find a place to disappear - no notes, no goodbyes

i've posted here and pulled back before so if i stop posting everyone can believe that i'm still around - no one else gets hurt
 

Stranger1

Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend
#4
I don't see you as a burden.. I see someone in pain..Please don't harm yourself!!! There are plenty of us who care.. Call your doctor and tell him whats going on..Or if your in a really bad state go to the ER.. I for one would like to see you stick around.. Take Care!!
 

Wastingecho

Well-Known Member
#5
can't stop crying for more than a few minutes at a time

the pain is almost constant - it won't stop

doctors and hospitals are useless
 

Wastingecho

Well-Known Member
#6
Drained - numb - no tears left to cry

So very tired but numb is good - no more feelings

But it won't last - want it to last - don't want it to hurt any more
 

swimmergirl

Well-Known Member
#7
That is some severe depression talking. Are you 100 percent sure you don't want to try meds or something?

I hate seeing you in so much pain and not knowing how to help.

I wish I could help make it better.

I wish you did not have to hurt so badly.
 

Wastingecho

Well-Known Member
#8
too many meds - too many years - too little results

stopped the last ones 6 months ago after taking it at different dosages for a year

still numb - helped when i got home and wife expected me to cook and i said no

only one to spend time with me was my cat - and not for long

so sleepy
 

Wastingecho

Well-Known Member
#9
Didn't go in to work - didn't stay home - fixed lighter in my car so I can keep phone charged

Going to drive around - want to stay away from unsafe places but still can't shut these feelings out
 

Savsta

Active Member
#10
hope your okay , i used to love driving around when i was down used to help me out allot , then my license got taken away because of my depression , what ever you do dont tell the authorites ! one thing i definatly regret. i was a bus driver at the time too so lost that job. anyway i hope you feel a bit better , here to listen and help if you need it :)
 
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