Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by SomepersonAlex, Oct 18, 2011.

  1. SomepersonAlex

    SomepersonAlex Active Member

    I am sad
    Sad because it's gone
    Everything I had
    Everything I was
    I wonder what is waiting for me just on the other side.

    I am happy that you are.
    Not really though.
    False happiness is just sadness with a good disguise.
    There once was a man.
    He loved a girl
    So the story goes.
    Oh Romeo, Oh Juliet.
    Poison. Stab.
    Both are dead.
    Except in my story only Romeo dies.

    I still think of her.
    Is she happy?
    Is she alright?
    How is she?
    What is she doing?
    To make the hard decision
    Was it easy for her?
    Probably not.

    I don't have the heart to be vengeful.
    Hold a grudge.
    I can never truly hate.
    What's the use.
    I am sure she has moved on.
    Why can't I?
    I will probably never get over you.
    In a way I will. But you will always be the one I truly loved.

    If you couldn't see how much I loved you in everything I did for you then we truly are two different.

    Love is a farce.
    Hiding behind words. Such eloquent and beautifully articulated words.
    I wish you could of just told me your true feelings in the first place.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 19, 2011
  2. SomepersonAlex

    SomepersonAlex Active Member

    Courage my friend.
    Dig deep.
    Find it within.
    The thing worth "being."
    I look in the mirror
    Wait, that can't be me.
    I look awful.
    Like a wreck.
    Like I could die.
    I want to.
    Making other feel good.
    Making others happy.
    I can never to that for myself.

    Don't you care that you no longer wish to be alive?
    -not really
    Is it self pity?
    -Because there is nothing left inside. Dried. Used. In the end even though you hated being used, you in turn used me.

    Friends? Don't make me laugh I could never be friends with you.
    You don't have to be so hurtful.
    If in fact it will get you to stop then yes I do.
    If you have to hurt me like I hurt you then that speaks volumes.
    Retaliation? really? You think I am that petty? How sad. Even in the end you never really understood.

    I think the worst part is I never got to see you ever again.
    Well what would we say to each other?
    What does it matter? I feel like I have failed. You, and myself.
  3. SomepersonAlex

    SomepersonAlex Active Member

    Fuck, I need this.
    I deserve this. What a sorry sack of shit I am.
  4. SomepersonAlex

    SomepersonAlex Active Member

    The eyes are everywhere. Looking around searching for something. My soul is empty searching for that something to fill it. Once it is full it won't be satisfied. It will search for more. The greediness becomes me. Once what was good is now evil.

    My thoughts don't matter. Clearance is within my mind, my words and thoughts don't matter.
    From whence thy came Devil! your eyes are so beautiful, they shine with heavens gleam. The sky shines the bluest of blues, it almost crys. I look up and see the memories of old, making me happy and sad. The families inside are all happy. They pick up their children and laugh and smile. My actions are not worthy pleas activate my faith by speaking.
    Speak directly to me. Not down upon me, not looking up to me. but as an equal.

    I am so tired. I think back to the kite runner, a book I read in the 8th grade or so. and remember that part when the boy said those exact same words. How sad it made me, I cried actually. I felt his pain, even back then. Even now. The crying fits are getting worse.. . . . speak of the devil. . . . but anyways. This whole situation I am in has made me realize something sure the calls come in for a day or so and but then they stop. The reason I wanted no one to know was for this exact reason. It just reaffirms how alone I actually am. No one truly cares. and for that matter I am starting not to.
  5. SomepersonAlex

    SomepersonAlex Active Member

    The thoughts, the feelings. Why must I hurt? Why do I want to hurt? I am sure the state I am in this would be no easy recovery in fact I don't think I would make it through. 30. Lbs underweight flimsy, sickly. And I want to die? Recipe for disaster. I don't know what to do. Tomorrow is the big day. Maybe things will turn around. Hopefully.