Well, I told my pdoc that I want to be in a coma. She was upset that I shouldn't be wanting that because that is no fun to just be a vegetable and she told me my thoughts are not healthy and I need serious counseling about my desire to be in a coma. I've been thinking about what she said, and now I know why I said that. Being in a coma is almost like death. All my adult life I wished to be dead and that's the closest I can ever come near to death by being in a coma. I've been glamorizing my near-death experience because I was almost successful to be dead. I don't want to die right now but I don't know how to live. I am confused right now and can't think. I need to ground myself and stay in the present, not reminiscing and regretting the past and not to be fearful of the uncertainty of the future. Just be in the here and now. That's all I can do.
Coma
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I do understand what you are saying, mpang. I am so very glad you told your therapist. For me it is just trying to be out of pain. Not that I want to die. I just want the pain to stop. And I can think of no other way for that to happen. Thus thoughts of death. Although for me death is honestly not an option. Grounding is really helpful. Not easy. But very helpful :hug:
I can totally understand where you are coming from. I was in a coma in 2011 and there have been times after that when I wished I still was in a coma. Not now thankfully but there were times. I agree with your psychiatrist that you do need counselling or psychotherapy to help you deal with these dark thoughts. Try not to let them get out of hand. Good luck to you.
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