I so wish I were dead! I have wished that for years. But to no avail. Can't really pray for death. Because that is something God would not approve of. But I am tired of emptiness and pain. And as I near 65 things just keep breaking and hurting more. My digestive system is shot. My asthma is barely controlled. Am in no mood to try and figure out Medicare, but I have to. Insurance broker at work does not answer my emails. May have to turn him over to the CEO's wife. Broker is a cousin of the CEO. I spend my days helping to sue people who were stupid enough to spend thousands of dollars on a vacuum. They got suckered by the salesmen. I spend my evenings and weekends doing pretty much nothing. Can only deal with the yard in small pieces. Asthma gets in the way. Can't throw myself into my favorite past time, stuffing my face. Causes too much pain in digestive tract. Highlight of my days are a shower and going to bed. I had hoped to be dead long ago. But life just doesn't work out like you want it to. I am chicken to off myself. Its been pounded into my head that is the wrong thing to do. Sometimes I wish life would get a little bit worse. Just bad enough to push me over the edge. And, with time it will. I just don't see anything getting better. Just more pain and poverty as everyday goes my. Thanks for reading this.