After careful consideration, I have decided to take my own life. I love my family with all my heart. I love my wife and my 4 children. I do this for them. It breaks my heart that I can't provide for them even the basics of financial security right now. It is clear that I will never be able to provide the life I dreamed of providing for my family. It seems that life has worked against me from the start. It seems that every time I earn a shot at something, or even outright reach my goals, something or someone gets in the way. Even if it's people who profess to want to be my parents, or the first woman who was supposed to love me most and who was the first to promise me forever in marriage. Or it's an employer who simply abuses me by taking advantage of my talents and skills and who holds back for themselves what I really and fairly earned and who simply casts me aside like an old shoe when they want to save money or they have otherwise used me up. I hope that by dying, I can take the economic pressure off my wife and kids. Every time I have a dream about what I want to do with my life, the enemy puts someone in the way. Even if it's the people I love most. My heart is broken at just what a lie the American dream really is and I just want to die. For over half my life all I've wanted to do was be a teacher, and to study mathematics for its own sake - not for "profits" used to maintain the lavish lifestyles of those who don't even give math, me, or my family a second thought. I've earned my shot a million times over. But this world won't let me. And frankly, maybe that's all a lie too, and maybe in the end I'm just the irredeemable loser everyone used to tell me I am.