comes a time...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Wastingecho, Apr 10, 2013.

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  1. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    can't find a reason to keep trying any more

    emotionally crushed - spent 20 minutes sobbing in the car before i could go home

    hiding from my family now

    my chest aches with every breathe

    all of my flaws, faults, and failures are dancing in my brain and i can't take it any more

    just need to wait until they've gone to bed

    then i'll get the car and find somewhere quiet where i won't be bothering anyone and get myself some peace at last
     
  2. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    Please stay here with us. We can help you make it through this tough night :hug:
     
  3. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    and how exactly can you do that?

    tell me the little lies that things will get better?

    that i'll be loved?

    that it won't hurt any more?

    can answer the last one on my own
     
  4. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    By trying to help you focus on things that are not so bad. Enough to give you the strength to keep fighting. Life has ups and downs hun. It can be shit then awesome. So keep trying to be positive. I know how hard it is, but its possible :hug:
     
  5. PFC-Rau

    PFC-Rau Member

    Well, I'm in the same boat as you are, friend.
    Yah I know, "youre not my friend you don't know me"...

    I feel that same way. Felt it before, tried-failed...here now.
    Saw my long post? Helps getting it out.

    Little lies? Seems like it to us, "Things will be fine" "there are more fish in the sea" "Just hold on"

    Hehe, easier said then done right?
    But they will...eventually.

    Does it suck? Hell yeah, no one likes feeling pain, feeling neglected, alone, scarred, broken, misunderstood, hated, vilified.
    But to run from it all? I wanted to, hell, times I still do...but, why?

    What if it does get better? Maybe there is someone out there just like us, feeling the exact same way, for the (exact) same reasons, wouldn't those people mesh?
    Yes, I know "That's crap, how can I meet that person? Do they even exist?"

    I think they do. God, fate, luck, whatever...works in mysterious ways.

    So if I resisted the urge to take my chest out with my shotgun, you can too.

    Hit me up if you want to vent. I'm not going to try to rationalize it for you, that's something you have to do on your own, but, youre not the only one feeling this way.
    The fact that you, and me, are posting here, this same night, is proof that we want help.

    So yah, hit me up...it'll help. It won't totally alleivate the pain, I aint no sorcerer, but it does help to blast out with some word vomit and get out whats going on.
     
  6. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    after close to 40 years of this shit you may see things differently

    shot gun would be a blessing right now

    and if something did miraculously change afterward i wouldn't be around to care
     
  7. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    i was ready last night - just waiting for kids to go to bed so i leave without being noticed - and my crappy stamina gave out and i fell asleep first

    i'm so confused right now but also scared

    i'm not feeling any different than i did before - the urge is still so damned strong, the pain as intense - like acid in my chest
     
  8. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    But you're scared, and that means a part of you, even if it's a small part, wants to fight through this.

    I know I don't always have the right words, and I have a tendency to say the wrong thing sometimes. But always here if you need someone to talk to. I'm glad you're still here.
     
  9. Ataraxia

    Ataraxia Member

    Your right after 40 years it can seem like things won’t get better. I feel the same way as you and it’s only been 10 years for me. But if you think you may feel good enough to stick around if things get better then please reconsider. You owe it to yourself. There is always a chance things can get better. Now I know that sounds like some generic BS but here let me give you some proof.

    Edwin Howard Armstrong
    http://world.std.com/~jlr/doom/armstrng.htm

    To sum it up in case you don’t feel like reading: (also some of the details below aren’t in the link I gave)

    He invented one of the most important inventions of the 20th century. Should’ve easily been a multimillionaire. He also had a wife who loved him to death. But because of the cruelty, bad luck and evilness of this world he was pretty much bankrupt by 64 (and never even reached financially stable status ever in his life.)

    Even though his life was completely miserable up to this point; he held on because he still had his wife. Until the day he thought she left him for good because of an argument. He came at her with a fire poker so he thought it was over. So a few months later he killed himself. BUT she didn’t leave him for good. In fact, she was planning on coming back to him in a little while as soon as she thought he was mentally stable.

    After his death, his wife kept fighting for his inventions and eventually won MILLIONS through the courts. Today that would be worth hundreds of millions. He was also given complete credit and recognition for all his inventions. Now he is recognized as one of the greatest inventors of the 20th century. If only he had waited a little bit longer……..So please just wait, it may be a while but things can get better.
     
  10. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    i can give you a different example

    George Eastman

    invented "roll" film - original found of Eastman Kodak cameras - 2nd behind Andrew Carnegie in his philanthopic works

    his suicide note read: "To my friends: my work is done. Why wait?"
     
  11. Ataraxia

    Ataraxia Member

    Ahhh yes George Eastman but he falls into the category where there is no hope to the thing causing the suicidal thoughts. I believe he had a medical condition that at the time was untreatable. Something to do with his spine if I'm not mistaken. That is why I mentioned in my post “if you think you may feel good enough to stick around IF THINGS GET BETTER then please reconsider." There was no fix to Eastman’s situation. Hypothetically if he had posted here all I could do is offer him my sympathy.

    Are you in a similar situation as Eastman? Meaning do you have a condition or situation that is utterly hopeless?
     
  12. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    physically - no

    emotionally - yes
     
  13. Ataraxia

    Ataraxia Member

    Can I ask exactly what's been bothering you emotionally for so many years?
     
  14. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    Can't go into it right now - too raw

    Check older threads if it matters

    Sorry
     
  15. Ataraxia

    Ataraxia Member

    Sure, just let me know the name of the thread to look it and I will
     
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