comfortable with it

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by swimmergirl, Sep 25, 2007.

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  1. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    Killing myself actually seems like a real option now, before I think it was just something I only thought about as an option. Suicide was more of an intellectual yearning to help ease the pain, but I don't think I ever believed I could do it until now.

    What a wonderful feeling, to know you finally can do it, that you have it in you, that you can end it for good and not be ashamed about it, but just look at it as something you have to do because you have tried everything else.

    I have never felt this relieved ever before in knowing the end is near.
     
  2. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    I've been there before and are ther now, but still the actually going through with it...it can be the hard part! If it was easy I wouldnt be here.

    Suicide takes guts.
     
  3. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    No, I disagree. That is the thing, it takes guts to live, but to die you just have to get to this place of complete hopelessness and then you realize that the only choice you have is to make the pain stop, because you don't have the guts to live anymore, you have lost that somewhere along the way and you simply have no connection to anyone or anything and it becomes rather easy to do. If you feel like you don't matter in this life, what do you have to lose by leaving?
     
  4. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    I have felt that feeling too, the feeling that something in your life is finally definite, finally set in stone. When your mind is clouded by doubt and worry, any sense of confidence is a welcome breath.
     
  5. Random

    Random Well-Known Member


    Complete agreement here. People who say suicide is "taking the easy way out" or "cowardly" have no idea what they're talking about. A person has no clue what it takes to really do it until they're standing there staring into that pitch black void. The thing about suicide is that it isn't an exit. Because exits still have something on the other side of them. It's possible, I suppose, that there is but it's by no means certain. It's not a doorway. Or, at least, there's no clear evidence that it is. It's not even nothing because there has to be something in order for there to be nothing. Being dead is just being completely and utterly gone. You can't enjoy your "escape" because there isn't a you to enjoy anything.

    To stand on the brink and have full awareness of these things is not only mind boggling but supremely terrifying. Because what the human essence wants more than anything else in the world is to survive. Even if one's conscious mind believes it wishes for death, the subconscious and the survival instinct will always fight back. I'm not in any way trying to encourage anyone but those who have gone through with it were not cowards. They weren't heroes either. They were merely soldiers who lost their battle. I'm a coward. Death frightens me more than anything else imaginable. Life frightens me as well but clearly less.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 27, 2007
  6. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    Possibly that you aren't going anywhere? The strong possibility that this life is the only one you have or ever will have? You have that one little glimmer of hope. No matter how small it may be or insignificant it may seem. And then you have your survival instinct. It's not rational and it doesn't care how hopeless things are, how much you're hurting, etc. All it wants to do is take the next breath. Single-minded and steadfastly determined.
     
  7. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    My lack of faith does not help matters, I don't anticipate that any of us "go" anywhere when we die, we just cease to exist, like before we were born. Your ego wants you to believe that you matter, that life will go on, but the truth is eventually everyone dies because their body decays or is diseased or they suffer some accident.

    So, death does not scare me because it is a natural part of life. Now, my brain is ill, not functioning properly, has not responded to treatment, so somewhere along the line it is not going to let me keep living, and thus I think that is why I find myself at this breaking point, my mind can't hang on, the organ itself is in disarray and is dying a slow death, and so it is taking a toll on my body as well and impairing my quality of life like any other disease would. Do I fight it, sure I have fought it like I would any other obstacle, but there also comes a time when you accept the inevitable in order to find peace.
     
  8. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    What do you mean by your brain is ill? Is it a physical disease or are you depressed or what?That's a little vague.


    But that's just it. Death isn't peace. Because you aren't there to observe it.

    Pain (physical or psychological) can make us wish for peace or an escape or whatever you want to call it. But death ain't it. The only way a person can convince themselves that it is is to lie to themselves. You have to really believe you'll survive your own death in spirit in order to rationalize it because there just is no other rationale.

    Nobody really wants to end. I'm convinced that everyone who's ever committed suicide convinced themselves they'd find something better on the other side of death. Which sounds great but it isn't likely. Your person wants you to live even if you don't. It intrinsically knows that death is undesirable. Because there's something within us all that knows the true nature of things.

    It is impossible to imagine nonexistence. It shouldn't be possible by all we know to exist and then cease to exist but that is, in all probability, what death is. Like the burning out of a light bulb. Your life is the light. The bulb is your body. When the filament blows, there's no more light. Of course, a light bulb isn't a self aware being. You are. You know the end of the service life of your body is undesirable. The light bulb does not. And when it comes down to the last moments, your body and your mind will fight. Death may be inevitable as is the burning out of the light bulb. But you don't get a new life when it's over. A light bulb can be replaced and the light it emits will be essentially the same. Your person is as unique as your fingerprints. Your life adds texture and depth to the painting of humanity.

    Everybody matters. Everybody from the president of the US, to the CEO of a company, to a fast food employee, a hooker on the street, a drug dealer to a homeless person. It has been said that it's possible that my only purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others. That's a pretty harsh reality but it could be so for any of us. What if something very important depends on your continued existence? What if you thought you could save just one life. If you could snap your fingers and save one person's life by doing so, would you?
     
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