Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by mes1234, Apr 25, 2013.

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  1. mes1234

    mes1234 Member

    I am suicidal. Because I'm extremely depressed. I've been depressed for most of my life. I've been on anti-depressants for four years. I've gone to therapy many many times. I've given up on life, and I want to die. But that's not going to happen. I realized that I'm not going to die unless of old age or if I get really sick. I just left college, a really good college because of my depression. and YES I was smoking weed 24/7 and I was dependent on weed, but I am not addicted. I was just self-medicating. So once I left college in January I stopped smoking and drinking. And everyone tells me that my depression got worst because of marijuana. But you know what, if I'm gonna be stuck on this earth, I am going to do what ever I can to make me happy, and I am happy when I smoke so I'm going to start smoking again. I haven't smoked since January and my depression is worst and nothing is working, my medication isn't working, and therapy is bullshit. My family isn't supportive and I have no real friends. I've got friends that don't understand depression and I've got friends that understand what I'm going through but are too busy with their lives or simply don't care. So I'm going to start smoking again and yes I'm nervous that it will make my depression worst, but I just can't sit here anymore. I can't keep waiting for things to get better. I am going insane and on the verge of going to the hospital for suicide watch. I just want to be happy.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hate to tell you but weed will and does make depression worse it is a unmotivator this substance. It makes your brain dumb thus why it is called dope. If your antidepressants are not working then ask for a add on ask for them to be upped or changed totally but to go back to weed that is not going to help your situation only harm it. Go to hospital get some help
    keep going forward not backwards hun
  3. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    The best advice I can offer wouldn't be what you'd expect to hear.

    Marijuana in many places is either illegal or medicinal. To blame other circumstances, you're avoid facing up to reality that you have chosen to throw away, by allowing it to affect you to the point you leave college because of the depression. In a way, you're allowing the depression and those responsible in your eyes for doing so, to have a measure of control over your life, instead of living it your way. You've given a vibe that everything around you adds to your depression, rather than looking inwardly at how you are, and how you react. Hiding behind drugs and alcohol is a way of masking what you think and feel, giving a false sense of happiness instead of a reasonable meaning.

    A lot of people turn to abusing substances as its something they can control. Why not take ownership of your life? You've been given this chance, why waste it?
  4. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I was just reading on a pro cannibus page. Some of the people there said that weed made their depression worse. others said it did not. It seems that it has different effect on different people. Please be extra careful.

    For me when I became depressed, it make things worse. And I had been smoking for years prior to that when the depression was not as set in. At a certain point, I could no a responsable person.... smoke. Because it did amplify the depression and anxiety enough so it caused more imbalance than balance
  5. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    If your answer to find happiness is drugs and alcohol than you have no chance to find actual happiness. No- you were not addicted- marijuana does not have physical addiction. You became dependent on it for happiness and still are because you did not do anything else to be happy when you stopped. It is not happiness - it is drugged into "i do not care".
    If calling it self medicating works for you then so be it -- but it is not medicating , it depending on and compensating while avoiding anything substantive or actually beneficial.

    Instead of just sitting waiting to suddenly "be happy" go do something and feel productive and useful. It is hard to feel happy when you know yourself you are not doing anything but waiting around.... When you do things there is a chance for improvement - inactivity leaves nothing but dwelling on the past.
  6. IamTetsuo

    IamTetsuo Well-Known Member

    What I wouldn't give for some time alone and some weed, sigh.
    But, yeah, weed will only makes things worse. To get out of depression you need to do stuff, connect with people and things and start thinking outside yourself. Sounds like you actually have a desire to turn things around so I would say, "stay away from da weed!!", don't even have a little spliff or a drag on one.
  7. mes1234

    mes1234 Member

    I was a stoner and now I'm not. I did smoke yesterday, but it was different and I didn't like it. Earlier in the year I was strong, outgoing, and yes I was still depressed, but I could control my depression. After one semester of college I became scared, hopeless, anxious, and un-functionally depressed. I won't smoke weed again. I'm just scared of life and I'm trying so hard to continue college and my life, but I'm doing all that I can and I just have no hope. I'm currently waiting for therapy and my medicine to help me. I know I can't rely on those things and I need to be pro-active and I need to be the one to get my life together, but the things that were once easy for me are so hard to do. And now I know that weed isn't the answer, but I'm just trying to find something to live for.
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