coming back

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Hache, Mar 18, 2009.

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  1. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    The severe depression is coming back. Quite clearly loneliness is the root cause.

    So I moved to uni to start life again, it kind of worked in the sense of not feeling so depressed as often. I had my spells. Anyway now it has caught up with me into a constant problem.

    I still dont have a gf, this bgs me a lot and makes me lonely even when i am with people, i have never had a gf and i'm 21.

    I dont have a social life this semester, my friends dont want to go out with me, they just want girls nights out or in the most recent case to be with people who are actually good on nights out i guess.

    I spend far too long sitting a lone in my room. I need a gf, I need a life, I need to look forward to things, to going out.

    Part of my head spin is this trapped cycle. I need to get out, get out of it. I think about what I can move to, there is nothing, i am trapped and it makes things worse knowing/thinking that.

    I am on the brink of exploding, the anxiety is building and building and building it feels horrible.
     
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry that things have been so hard for you. Maybe it might be a good idea to try and get yourself some professional hlep before you do reach that point of explosion.

    Why is it you feel you need a gf? It might be that your loneliness has inner causes that need to be addressed for you to not feel lonely.

    Have you tried getting out? Joining societies? Meeting people that way?
     
  3. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    Every time i see a professional i just cry and the right words dont come out and I end up saying whatever I can to get out of there. I'm not good talker, i just end up crying and I dont like walking home afterwards when it is clear i have been crying.

    I need a gf because i need attention. Never been kissed at 21, all my friends have someone, sometimes they talk about things they've done in the past, i walk down the street a lone and see people together and wonder if anyone will ever want me. I am extremely ugly. Deep down I am probably an attention seeker. I want to be wanted, I want to be perfection, I want attention, the kind i got when i was 17. I get it briefly off friends I have now, but we dont do anything, I need to do things, so as a result instead of sitting with them in the kitchen I opt to sit in my room and do something interesting. The one's that go out are girls and dont want me there, that is the vibe i get, because last semester i went out and went home early ill and it made them go home early as well so i have never been invited out since and it has been 2 and a half months. I went out with people off the course, when my other friends found out they laughed at the thought of me going out. I felt really small. Maybe I shouldn't be here because i cant be what i want to be, it didnt work out. I know deep down i am an attention seeker, it is all that makes me happy with being me, I need love for my self esteem, for my ego, when I am a lone it just makes me think its because i am ugly and not good enough, these thoughts just come out when I am a lone so I know they are a part of my imagination or whatever but i cant surpress these feelings because when a lone it feels like they are true.

    My personality also prevents me from meeting new people without being thrown into the situation. Like right now for example I have friends because I was thrown into that boat with them, moved into uni accomodation, that is how I made friends from the start when everyone was trying to do so. My friends off my course is because we have to do group work, group assignments, so I see them more, naturally builds up the relationship.

    The academic year is almost over now, 2 weeks til easter holidays, then 2 weeks when i get back from that. Spend the summer a lone back in my house.
     
  4. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    I know a fair few people whoa re in there 30's and never been in a relationship and then later on around 38-42 they found their perfect partner. Its better to be single then in a horrible relationship with someone you don't love.
     
  5. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    That is good to hear. I am also 21 and have never kissed, had a girlfriend, etc and I know there's several more like me and you Hache here in these forums. I know that a major issue is that we are really expected to have a girlfriend by this age if not before in Western/American culture and are definitely considered "losers" if we don't, that there is something EXTREMELY WRONG with us. There's a lot of peer pressure in this regard and I wish it wasn't so.

    I think the pressure for me is less however because I'm Indian and in our culture, many of us don't have girlfriends until later on mainly get an arranged marriage by our parents, which my parents I know are planning for. I just know that arranged or not, there is not a girl out there that would love me for who I am and I would most likely have to give up who I am and become somebody I am not to gain a significant other. :sad::sad:
     
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