coming out and losing someone

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by simon, Feb 28, 2012.

  1. simon

    simon Antiquitie's Friend

    have you ever lost a friend or family member because of coming out?
  2. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    No, because someone who would care that much about something so trivial was never a friend.
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    No, not that I can recall. If someone judges you based on that, then you don't really need them in your life.
  4. whoamiboo

    whoamiboo Active Member

    I would have to say yes back in the day. Now not so much people are becoming more accepting. In due time people do come around. It may be a shock while others will surprise you. What is your deal? Do you feel you are going to lose someone close coming out? I thought that about my mother years ago but she is my rock now. I am openly gay/lesbian and she embraces everything about my lifestyle. Surprising but rewarding all at the same time. Good Luck to you!!!
  5. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    I have to disagree with cult logic… for some people, this kind of thing really isn't so trivial and they take it extremely seriously.

    I'm bi, but my dad has told me several times that if he ever found out that I was gay then that would be the end… and I don't think it's unreasonable to assume that he would follow through. You can't really control what your family believes and I think it can be super hard for some people… I mean, even if you think 'they were never really your friends', once you've invested a lot of time and effort in someone you really don't want to lose them, no matter how judgmental they are.
  6. Leland

    Leland Member

    ...unfortunately this is pretty true. And the dizzying part is that it's not even necessarily a reflection of their whole moral or intellectual character. Smart people do and say stupid things, and virtuous people do and say bad things. Both of my parents are like that. They both know I'm bi, and for my dad it's a total non-issue, but when my mom found out there were a few months of awkward arms' length communication. She seems to think that non-straight men are "feminine" and femininity is necessarily superficial and weak. Obviously she's conflating sexuality with gender presentation...but there's two big ironies here. The obvious one is that she's a woman who is bluntly misogynist. The other is that I'm a transwoman who is currently weighing the pros and cons of coming out versus dying. I have a transgendered aunt who she refuses to take seriously. She sees transition as comedic self-destruction and nothing more. She absolutely cannot see it for what it is. Not possible. I'm sure she would rather have a dead son than a living transgendered daughter. And even though she's extremely bigotted when it comes to this, she's still a very complicated woman. There's more to her then that. She was the one who taught me how to relate to history and spirituality and generally opened my eyes to having a meaningful existence (as a child). I feel like it's a total brick wall with her even though she's one of the most important people in my life. My dad...would probably make an effort at understanding, but might not be able to. He would definitely cease to respect me and take me seriously. Sometimes I think losing my dad might hurt a little more just because he's normally so reflective and thoughtful and he's always been there for me. He's smarter than intolerance...but it still might be inevitable.