Coming out

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Romancer, Jan 16, 2011.

  1. Romancer

    Romancer Well-Known Member

    Ok, in my LGBT community we sometimes chat about this, and I find stories about coming out the closet interesting. :) did your friends, family accept you?

    for me it was pretty simple, since my family is very open, so i just explained that i have a girlfriend, we had a chat, and that was it. =)
    friends...a lot of them are lesbians, bisexuals, queers,... so yay :D
    but some of the female friends seem to think that if you like women, you automatically like them in that way-so if you hug them it means you're hitting on them. :D just cause i like women doesn't mean i like all the women :rolleyes: (also, females tend to get offended if you explain that to them >.<)

    anyway, share! =)
  2. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    UGH! This happens with fucking guys too! No offence to the guys at my school, but I don't like you all....maybe a select few ;) :laugh:

    I only came out as of 10th November last year. 2 Weeks before school ended, there's seven days until school restarts...wonder what it'll be like :unsure:.

    10th November was when I came out 'publicly' to the class...while we were lining up for English. Lucas asked me "Macleod....are you gay?". I can't remember what I exactly said...but I'm pretty sure i just nodded. I asked him "Who told you?", apparently a couple of people. Then I think Lucas quietly mentions it to someone...and before I know it Chris grabs me and spins me around and asks a tad louder then normal speaking tone, "Are you gay macleod??????" Me: "Yea...." Him: "really?...." Me: "yea...." Him: "Ewwwwwwwwwww!" Then he kinda runs of and says it to a whole lot of other kids :(.

    Then Annie(the first person I came out to) went over to Chris and Jordan who seemed to make a big deal out of it and she said "What's so wrong about being gay??? Why do you care? Are YOU gay?" or something.

    Nic then says from behind me in a stupid voice, "'re gay macleod?" I say without looking at him "yea." Him: "Whoa didn't seem like the kind". Fuck this annoys me so much. I wouldn't say I'm flamboyant like some other 'apparently' gay/bi guys at my school. Even though I only know of like 2 I'm like the odd one out :mellow:. I'm extremely quiet, probly come off as mute, I have acne/scarring so I wouldn't say I'm the greatest looking person on earth, I have a fairly slim/tall figure AND....I have a deep voice. Which sounds odd to mention but I guess most people think of gay guys as really girly/attractive/the whole gay lisp thing or what ever. I seem to be the complete opposite of the stereo type. Which sucks because when ever someone asks whether I'm gay(because they've heard it from someone) and I say yes, they end up saying "really? gay gay?" I have to repeat myself all the time..:sigh:

    Here's a section of my diary thread. There's more there on the entire situation, but I just didn't feel like spam quoting like half a page of text :laugh:

  3. Romancer

    Romancer Well-Known Member

    for male students (or men in general) its usually a lot harder. dunno why, but people prefer two women together than two men *sigh*

    hey, do you plan on telling your parents, or do you think they won't accept you?

    (also, school can be weird for the first couple of weeks, but people get used to the fact that you're gay quite fast. ;) )
  4. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    Well I "think" my parents will accept it...

    For a couple of reasons:

    1) They're anti-religion. Lol, fairly straight forward I guess.


    2) When I was like 10 or 11 mum kinda found some 'stuff' on the internet history.....back then we only had one computer and I had no idea of my internet activity being logged :unsure:. Anyway, mum was asking me quiet a lot(at least a few times) whether I was gay. And that they'd 'still love me either way and it doesn't change anything' or something. It's been a few years since I heard the line so I can't really remember what she said.

    It's really just a personal thing with me. I don't talk a lot(as stated previously). The most common things I say during the day are probly "What's for dinner?" and if I'm at school: "Where's <insert class>?". I'm not very connected with my parents. But that's because I feel distant to most people for various reasons. I probly won't bother telling them anything until I get a boyfriend or they come across something, :blink:.
  5. 1izombie

    1izombie Well-Known Member

    I came out gradually over the years to different people and for the longest time it was just one person (my best friend when i was 16yo). I didn't tell my parents until last year when i was 35yo and now all the important people in my life know I'm gay. I actually came out as Bi to my best friend as somehow it was easier for me to tell her i was bi than gay. I guess i thought that that being gay was worse cause if im bi at least i can be partially "normal" and have a girl friend. Anyways I've always gotten a positive reaction when i told people that im gay, so im lucky that way, but i wish i had the balls to come out way earlier than i did. I wish i came out in HS maybe it could have made it a better experience for me. I felt less and less burdened the more people i told, and now i could care less if people know im gay (for me that was my biggest fear when i was in the closet). I got an incredible high from telling people (especially my parents) but only after their reactions were good of course. If they had negative reactions idk how i would have felt.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 16, 2011
  6. Romancer

    Romancer Well-Known Member

    :girlpower (i was looking for a smiley that says "that's cool :cool:" but girl power works as well. :D)
  7. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    Yesterday one of my cousins came out to his family. It was no real surprise really, we all knew. But it was just respected that he would announce it when he felt comfortable.

    His father, basically is disowning him, not that he is exactly fulfilling the role of a father but i digress.

    Anyway my parents were talking about it and said something like... sure you'd be dissaponited at first because you have this idea in your head of the life that you want for your kids, having grandchildren etc etc. But you wouldn't love them any less. You would accept them as they are.

    I was really surprised at this. My father can often be quite crude, racist, sexist and all those other things. Not with any malicious intent. It's just the way he was raised. He doesn't really hate anyone. But to hear him say that he would still love his children if they were gay...well i wish i could have hugged him. I was really proud of him.

    And as for my mother. She can be quite judgemental of the way others live. Once again, not with any ill intent. Just sometimes people live in a bubble and have this idea of how they think things should be.

    Anyway...i guess what i way trying to say is. I really fucking despise that our sexuality has to be such a big deal. All these fucking labels and stigma and taboo etc. I hate it. Why does it have to matter so fucking much? With all the shit that goes on in the world, this is what people disown their children over? This is what kids are bullied about to the extent that they commit suicide?

    It disgusts me.
  8. Romancer

    Romancer Well-Known Member

    lol, yeah, the only thing my dad said was "but i'd still like grandchildren" :D
    i support same sex parenthood though. ^^

    lol, tbh, a lot of things that shouldn't matter-matter. like what your diet is, what you believe in, what colour you are *shrugs* these things shouldn't matter either. but looks like we prefer dealing with those, so we can shut our eyes and can't see bigger problems.
  9. NoMoneyToPlease

    NoMoneyToPlease Banned Member

    Coming out is a tired old it's socially ridiculous.How many "straight" people go through the trauma of having to expose their sexuality to their horrified parents.

    What silliness,most gay people would admit that the magic of proclaiming themselves different to the world soon wears off.
    Why go through all the psychological stress of performing an expected ritual that adds nothing to your life?
    It is a forced situation that does damage to all involved if the natural process of acceptance from family and friends has not yet run it's course.

    It is a novelty event that best belongs in a bygone era alongside arranged marriage.
  10. jota1

    jota1 Well-Known Member

    Congrats, you must live in a very liberal open society.
    I cant speak from experience but I am sure that if a gay/lesbian kid appeared at his/her home with a same sex boyfriend/girlfriend without previously owning up to his/her sexuality I am sure the parents kid would have a heart attack.

    Society will eventually accept this as being normal but that day is still a long way away.
  11. The Scream

    The Scream Well-Known Member

    when i was in primary school my mom would already yell "you filthy lesbian!" when we had a fight, and that would scare me so much, i hadn't told them then i was gay, it's like they knew it already somehow >< and the reason they thought i was gay was really stupid, my bestfriend was gay [a boy] and i was really close and would frequently hug my friends [girls] at some time my friends started suspecting i was gay, so they all turned their backs on me after that i went to a different school [in a city this time instead of a small town] and people there were really cool... there weren't really "groups" everyone would just hang out with each other and everyone was nice to each other... there was this girl in my class and she was gay and emo and that was back in my emo days so she came and started talking to me and after a while she started hitting on me when i had told her i was bi XD but i was kinda shy so i didn't really do something back and then she introduced me a friend of hers who was bi and i had liked her very much but i was too shy for that too, eventually some guy got her before i did ><

    then i had my suicide attempt which i was planning on for 2 years or so...

    i ended up in the psych ward in a even bigger city and there i met a bisexual guy and he had a close lesbian friend and someday we were both drunk and we started making out but eventually things didn't work out

    then i met a different gay girl and after being together for 4 or 5 months, my parents found a picture of me and her kissing on my Hyves page [social networking site] because my little sister was in my friends list and she could see my profile page and she told my mom ><

    and then my mom left me a voicemail message cursing all the time ><

    sorry it's turned out so long :D
  12. Romancer

    Romancer Well-Known Member

    ok, late reply, lol. :D

    i like long replies, i'm sure others do too *nods*
    and it somehow worked out for you, which is great :)
  13. The Scream

    The Scream Well-Known Member

    you have a cool dad :D
  14. protomoonzero

    protomoonzero Member

    It's weird. I've always considered my parents to be very open. My mom had a gay best friend and she told me that as long as I loved the person, it wouldn't matter what sex the person was.

    I always assumed my dad thought the same way. He works with a lesbian couple (they just had a baby as I understand), and I asked him what he would think if I was gay. To my surprise he said that he'd not like it and that it was "unnatural".
    I was actually really hurt and shocked to learn that he thought that way.
    In the end though I'm sure he'd come to except whatever partner I'll end up with.. I hope.
  15. Romancer

    Romancer Well-Known Member

    yeah, a lot of people are "open minded" when it comes to things, but when their daughter is gay, or best friend, that changes everything. *sigh*