coming pretty close tonight

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by otiose, Jan 10, 2010.

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  1. otiose

    otiose Member

    so the wife decided it would be a great idea to pick a fight with me tonight. what the hell, it's been a few days.

    went for my usual drive-anywhere-just-to-get-the-hell-away. would have stayed in my car overnight again except i had 1/8 tank of gas, no wallet, nowhere to go, and it's 20F outside. so back home i go.

    to sit in my driveway.

    and wonder why i should bother living.

    not a pathetic, feel sorry for yourself type of thing. i'm beyond that. no, what really should i continue for? all i could come up with was a couple decades of a job i hate (once i get one--i'm sure i'll hate it), and a heart attack. what the hell do i have to look forward to? i've hated life for the past 25 years, what good could possibly come in the final 25?

    i know my daughter would miss me, but she'd get over it after probably an hour or so.

    for the first time i feel a sense of resentment against her for pinning me to this ball of shit we call earth.
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Why do you hate life so much, what's happened?
  3. otiose

    otiose Member

    i'm a complete loser. haven't had a real job in years. financial problems. my wife randomly chooses certain days to remind me of what a failure i am. the last time it happened (in earnest) i took time to reflect afterward, and started taking classes. i guess it's not enough because the shit hit the fan again tonight.

    i've also suffered from depression since 1985, even when things were OK... so when they're not it can be pretty bad.

    i've tried a couple different prescriptions and both affected my vision (one of them damaged it permanently). i'm not willing to risk it again.

    seen a few therapists and found them all 100% useless.

    zero friends, small family 800 miles away. i can't afford to visit them and when i ask my mother to visit me and my daughter, guess what reply i get? she can't, because she has to take care of her dog.

    recipe for suicide. salt to taste.

    i think i'll make it through tonight but i have to make my mind up because these really cold nights won't last long and i've decided hypothermia is the way to go.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 11, 2010
  4. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry that you feel the way you do.
    I've never been married but I can relate otherwise- I feel like a loser too- I'm 30, haven't been to college, lost my job and can't find another one- not that, that was a successful job anyway!, I'm depressed as h*ll and feel like shit, I have alot of problems- some of which aren't even fixable- I have alot of good reasons to die. I have like no friends, I'm such a fucking loser and trust me anyone who knows me would be better off without me. I'm forgotten as it is anyway.
  5. Marxx

    Marxx Member

    I understand you both very well.

    I'm not married but my family and collegues are always trying to put me down: for years. I started notice that since 4 years ago when the losses start to take place in my life.

    I've been fighting so hard, forgive most of them, and started a new way of living. It seems like i'm haunted, problems are running after me, everyday a full bag of ofenses, incompetent collegues, bad luck situations and roll of bad consequences...

    Everything I do to improve situations, always reveal worthless and with no meaning, even sometimes things get worst.
    What I am trying to do now is stay calm, very calm, wait for the continuous 24 hrs raining days to go away (and they will soon here in Portugal) and start to press people so much so I can have some room for me... dont like to do it, but is an obligation to survive!
    But if I don't do it, people ard will always prejudice me, ofend and make me loose my faith very easily.
    This is wrong and I know it. They know it.
    Some time ago I talked to the persons direct involved and they have the notion of their bad actions, but they never give up on screwing my life... proved by their actions.

    Change my friend, start to talk just a little louder, look to people firmly in their eyes, press, demand from them their best (even if you know they already are doing their best, eh eh...), and talk just a little bit faster just to let them know that the world will not wit for them, independently from you.

    Ah... do not forget to talk with them about things they hate (you can hate it too) but let them know you love those ugly stuffs.

    Most probably they refuse everything above, but excuses you to turn your back on them each time they try to offend or do something that prejudice you.

    I dont know, just trying to make a point out of this shit. :unsure:
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