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coming to peace with leaving

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by wunderwood, Dec 6, 2008.

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  1. wunderwood

    wunderwood Well-Known Member

    I have been on again, off again suicidal for some time. Over the past few weeks I am finding myself more accepting of doing it. I am feeling strangely at peace with the whole concept. I feel like I have gotten permission from my therapist to die. Weird situation, which I probably misinterpreted but it has made me feel better about it.

    I don't see a future, can barely live in the today. I feel sick, pin prick and flushing feeling when I think about trying to keep going. I am almost past the point of worrying how it will hurt other people. I am not more important than my family, but I can't live in this anymore.
  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Please don't do this to yourself. You only get one shot at life. Don't end yours prematurely. Please don't give up. :hug:
  3. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    I dont think you can come to peace with doing it, it is completly unnatural to want to commit suicide, I have been where you have been an even put a knife to my throat a few times, then as soon as you feel pain you think "Oh shit"

    It is completly unnatural to commit suicide, and it really sucks, you just have to find out how to deal with whatever is bothering you, I think the only way someone can really be at a peace or no regrets about killing themselves is if they are in intense physical pain and ending there life is really the only solution to stop the pain

    But I understand where you are coming from as far as finding the peace, in a way I am jealous but I think I have been there and I dont think it is possible, though I will always be searching
  4. wunderwood

    wunderwood Well-Known Member

    eh i guess i am not going to do it in a way that hurts much. i am too much of a wimp for that
  5. freefalling

    freefalling Active Member

    my friend,
    firstly I wud advise you to get a new counsellor because he obviously isn't right for you if you feel he gave you permission to take your own life.
    Less than a week ago I was feeling the same way as you are now but I found by reaching out to someone that I really loved and trusted and asking for help that it seemed to take the edge off my suicidal thoughts.If there is someone you can talk to then I would strongely advise you to do it.I hope you can get through this.
  6. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    I think anyway hurts, if you shoot yourself in the head there is always a chance it doesnt work and you will be sitting there in horrific pain trying to heal the wound, or if you take a bunch of pills it might mess up your organs as others have stated
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    You need to get yourself a new therapist. Are you on medication for depression? :hug:
  8. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I think that the more suicide is in the forefront of your mind, the more accepting you become of the thought. I am not sure it is peace that is felt but rather acceptance. Why is it you feel your therapist gave you permission?
  9. wunderwood

    wunderwood Well-Known Member

    she told me about an experience in grad school where she met a psychologist that stayed with their patient while they committed suicide. she told me she respects how i feel and accepts that.

    i'm not on meds right now, though i have a sample of cymbalta. i sometimes take xanax when i freak out.
  10. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello wunderwood,
    I relate to how you are feeling because I am straddling that line between life and death myself. I am all set to do it but I have a couple of friends who have made me promise to go back into the hospital and try again to get these shrinks to get my meds right. They find something that half ass helps and then decide it should be doing more for me so they change it and it is alot worst than the previous one. Right now they have me on paxil which doesn't work and my depression is out of control.
    I set my date for after christmas so I can be there for the kids. They wouldn't understand why Uncle Joe died. I am going to give the hospital one more chance but can't guarantee if it doesn't help that I won't go ahead with my plan.
    As far as your therapist goes I would find another one. She was totally out of line to say what she did. I hate it when they compare you with either themselves or someone else. (Please) they went to school to learn to be a therapist so stick to what you have learned, don't experiment with your clients. Anyhow she is an imbacyl for saying what she did. I hope you find just a ray of hope to hang onto. We are here for you!!~Joseph~
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