Coming To Terms With Fear

Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by unknown loner, Nov 19, 2009.

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  1. unknown loner

    unknown loner Active Member

    Have you ever felt so lonely?
    Looking in the mirror every day, without a hint of soul
    Without a hint of love and caring
    Feeling so helpless and worthless

    Well welcome to my life
    Living day by day stuck in that same pile of mud
    I can try to force myself out of this
    But not a helping hand seems to be in sight

    Walking minute by minute staring at the people with everything
    I imagine a life where I have a heart beating
    A life where smiling faces exist in my presence
    But this life seems so long gone from grasp

    Change seems so scarce
    But I'm more scared to go after that small chance
    Taken over by my own fear of people leaving
    But chance can sometimes seem to come walking towards you

    I noticed your eyes and it all seemed like a dream
    Mesmerized by the love my brain loves to ignore
    I hate to say "love at first sight"
    But this all seemed so planned out

    I never treated you like others treated you
    Apparently I was a good listener
    But I just never said words that would let you in
    My fear of people seeing this side of me never seemed so visible

    You said you loved me, and I held those words close
    I loved you, and you seemed so happy to hear those words
    But if only you saw me saying those words
    How was I supposed to know that your heart still called his name?

    I see your distance from me growing
    That same feeling of emptiness came over me once more
    This never felt so damn normal to me
    What is happening to me? I thought this was done.

    I start writing the story of my life with a blade
    My leg still holds the remnant of this novel of clichéd sorrow
    I always wanted to be a writer
    Now I have a subject to submerge myself in

    I never meant for you to see this side of me
    Like the dark side of the moon, it was suppose to stay hidden
    Anger filled me like water poured into a cup
    But I tried so hard to keep myself from spilling on you

    I told you it was nothing, I'm glad you never believed it
    But this weak part of my skin could no longer be held on by you
    You told me you loved me, but she was afraid of killing our bond
    It was all built on nothing but lies; at least I got a warning.

    More blood spilled as more tears were held in
    I could not allow myself to feel pain from this
    That would just mean you win
    Loneliness was the name of the game, but I had yet to receive my prize

    My anger created this new personality
    You tried seeking my helpful words
    But I shoved you away from fear of getting closer to you
    I couldn't let the fear come to me; I had to bring it to myself

    You're crying eyes ran towards me
    I couldn't deny those begging invitations
    You said the music stopped breathing through you
    I was the cause for those tear drops on your guitar

    How could I not see what we became?
    She became that child I used to be
    I became the people who beat me down to adulthood
    The fear I held in became my weapon against a caring heart

    She begged me not to let her go
    She needed my helpful caring soul
    Did I really sell that along with my innocents?
    I have to deny this transformation I'm growing into

    I look in the mirror I glance at everyday
    I see the lonely image disappointed in its true self
    He walks away from me
    How could I not see that even my mirror image could leave me?

    I hold her close and tell her I'm not going anywhere
    The person I used to be doesn't have to be a faded memory
    There is no use for mourning those who abandon me
    All it took was heartbreak to see I have someone who is willing to stay

    I see the next chapter on the next page
    A new hopeful side of me in this story must exist
    My mirror image can always have character development
    This fear is deteriorating as I come close to writing the ending to this story

    No life can be without a grasp to hold onto
    Learn this from me; I had to learn it myself
    Find a person to carry you out of the mud pile
    Create your own cliché of an ending to your dark chapter
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    very well written good insight into you
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