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Comments that hurt the most regarding depression

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by nicesinging1, Feb 22, 2008.

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  1. nicesinging1

    nicesinging1 Well-Known Member

    The following are the comments from non-depressed people that hurt my feelings regarding my depression.

    1. "It is all in your head. Just get over it already."
    2. "It is not like you are suffering from cancer or are on wheelchair. Just keep moving and don't even think about depression."
    3. "Stop sounding so weak and gloomy. Life is what you make of it."
    4. "It is not like you just ran 10 miles. There is no reason to be so tired and lethargic."
    5. "It is just depression. How bad can it be? You will never die from it. It doesn't kill you."
    6. "Life gets better. You will get over it soon."
    7. "You are probably making excuse for your laziness with depression."
    8. "If you hate the depression so bad, why don't you do whatever it takes to get over it already?"
    9. "At least you have able body and look healthy outside. It can't be that bad. Just get over it."
    10. "You are probably mentally weak, not depressed."

    Anyone remember any other comments regarding depression that hurt ur feelings?
  2. Devastating, insensitive bullshit - that is, without any understanding (though some may mean well - sometimes, well, often actually, I got the feeling they were saying things just to make themselves feel better... and perhaps even blame YOU for not taking their "precious" advice). Not gonna list my 'faves' here - had them in another post in Let It All Out ("It PISSES me OFF!")

    I hear ya'...


    Last edited: Feb 22, 2008
  3. SAVE_ME

    SAVE_ME Well-Known Member

    OMG I hear that one everyday from my mother...she uses it so much she should have it tattooed on her forehead.

    I was just posting on a 'love talk' forum earlier...someone had said something hurtful to me regarding my long distance relationship...it was really getting to me and all these people could say were things like:

    I swear! Some ppl are so flaming ignorant it just sickens me!
  4. perry_mason

    perry_mason Well-Known Member

    "your just being lazy"

    hey morons, laziness is not the same as being fatigued.

    I used to work 6 days a week doing around 80+ hours in a stressful environment yet still worked my ass off and enjoyed working. (oh and i didnt take a holiday for 2 years either). so you cant really call me lazy.

    I had been out of work a while yet I tried to get any job, doing anything. i didnt care, i just liked to work because i have no social life or anything. yet because i wasnt working, people thought i was some sort of bum.

    sorry got into a bit of a personal rant there!
  5. TheBLA

    TheBLA The biggest loser alive.

    Hey nicesinging, may I ask who mainly tells you these comments?
    One thing my dad says is if I am acting the way I do to "get attention". Yeah right. :mad:

    One thing that doesn't help my condition at all is my culture, and I'm sure it goes for you too. Asian cultures are surely not as depression friendly as Western ones. You are Korean right? I am Indian.

    At least with the Indians I know, nobody is depressed, depression is not in our dictionary, we are not to be depressed. With an Indian doctor I visited for my nose, I wrote in the form that I had past suffered from depression (its a lie, still have it). And he was completely shocked to hear that and anxiously asked me if I had gotten over it, looking at me strangely. An Indian being depressed, impossible!!! He was so relieved when I said yes. Yes, without this burden, I can become yet another fucking perfect Indian that gets fucking perfect grades and marries a nice girl and gets perfect children who become doctors and engineers. :mad:

    If any of us are depressed, then we do a damn good job of hiding it and never seek care, because I never hear about it, we cannot be mentally weak. I bet the same comes from many other Asian cultures at least? I have resentment towards my people, its not right I know, but I do. They will never understand me, my own people, I am an outcast. I assume the same applies to you nicesinging, at least partially?

    We South and East Asians at least cannot be depressed, it is such a huge stigma in our culture and community and many of us unfairly suffer because of it.

    I assume those comments that pain you come from some of your Korean family members, relatives?

    Sorry if my post sounds stupid.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 23, 2008
  6. Barbados

    Barbados Well-Known Member

    People that seem to think depression is just feeling bad, depression is something that wouldnt go away if all my problems were solved and I was handed a million £. In my eyes, its a physical illness.
  7. nicesinging1

    nicesinging1 Well-Known Member

    I thought India has one of the highest suicide rate due to intense competition. E.g. so high of population for so little land. Was I wrong?

    Maybe I am wrong. Maybe I am indeed assuming. But I read quite number of articles in which Asian students committed suicide due to intense academic pressure, pressure to succeed or pressure to get into top school and get top jobs. Yes, it is stigma. Yes, you gloss over the article and don't talk about it. It doesn't mean it isn't there happening. There are people dying from suicide every day.
  8. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    That's a sticky one. The depressed person doesn't want to be patronized and the non-depressed often missed that.

    The cardinal rule is anything that minimizes, denies, discounts, or diminishes YOUR pain is a no-no. Depressives need, more than anything else (when it comes to others) an ear of acknowledgeable and the clear message that you care deeply for them. The hug that says "I'm so sorry you have to tread this path."

  9. wanttodie

    wanttodie Well-Known Member

    No I think it was Japan. But in India it does happen A LOT among children who come from upper/middle class families. The poor people and folks in rural area don't bother as they do not have high hopes anyway. When I was a kid I was discriminated and segregated by other kids because of my poorer grades. And I can tell its not a good feeling at all. I wouldn't go outside my house if I got less grades because I feared that others would judge me. Even the teachers would discourage me all the time with stinging comments. In this kind of stressful situation a child who is unable to perform feels like a fish out of water. And that kind of thought process will totally destroy you as a person when you grow as an adult, like it did to me ultimately. I'm totally unbale to perform in the society today and there is no hope for me. There was an Indian movie about this issue called "Tarey Zameen Par" which is a story about a slow learner, a dyslexic child and his hardships. It portrays the main stream ignorance which is so rampant all over the world.
  10. p3cky

    p3cky Account Closed

    i have had many of those sayings said to me by so called friends but sometimes people don't understand but i always just wish they would get it someday and see from my point of view and feel what i feel.
  11. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    a friend told me "just snap out of it"... like i hadn't thought of that LOL... if it was as easy as that i'd have saved myself the trip to the psych ward!

  12. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    what I hate hearing is someone telling me what all I have to be thankful for. When I havaen't enough money to pay my bills, I find little joy in things to be thankful for. I realize that I'm better off than 90% of the world, but that doesn't help much when I can't support my family and can't get enough work/money.
  13. klodo

    klodo Well-Known Member

    The thing is saying these sort of comments to people actually increases their guilt and shame massively and so makes suicide more likely.If you cant see a way out and are made to feel like useful lazy scum you will do anything to stop the shame.People can never relate to mental problems.
  14. VALIS

    VALIS Well-Known Member

    I think number 7 hurts the most, especially when it's not even said, it's just implied or thought secretly in others' heads, because they consider it that bad of a quality. Laziness.....as if anyone depressed is really enjoying not being able to do anything.

    all the stuff people say just makes it worse, doesn't it. what i've done for my depressed friends is just be that, a friend. Just go over to their house or apartment and make them laugh, or just hang out and watch t.v., try to get them out of the house but if that's not possible or they resent it, just stay with them and let them know you care.... same thing that my true friends have done with me, let me come over and stay on the couch just to have a place to go and not be alone...that's the sign of a true friend, not the ones who say ANY of the things you listed, but the ones who say nothing and are just there for you.
  15. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest


    I think I go against that all. But it's similar here in Britain too in certain asian cultures, I don't think there's one 'asian culture' here. I'm quite lucky as I've been born into a very broken family so there's no strong sense of 'this is what you should do,' for me and I've had lots of freedom in comparison mainly because I do what I want. I think there's stigma everywhere though. But definitely when I was in Malaysia I've felt the high anxiety in adults wanting the young people to be on a very linear path and mental health just isn't talked about. It's all a bit "he was a bit funny" that's was why he killed his parents and himself after being harrassed to get a job for so long.

    I felt a lot like that when I was streamed into a high maths/science stream for my GCSE. There's a certain type of harsh attitude I felt in certain indian girls adamant on fulfilling what they are supposed to do, become doctors/lawyers etc, that just made me feel rubbish and made me feel very depressed and alienated because I didn't want to do all that and couldn't perform as well as them so consistently.
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2008
  16. BOLIAO

    BOLIAO Guest

    my mum just lashed out at me an hour ago telling me to get myself out of this rut and asked how long more do i want to continue to be like this. Asking me how am I going to carry on my life if I don't pull myself together. Sigh, she just don't understand that I don't even want to live.
  17. Feared.Desire

    Feared.Desire Well-Known Member

    I hate it when anyone says, “There are starving kids in Africa. You have it great. Stop being so whiney.”
    It was said to me last year at some point and it still bothers me. Makes me feel like an idiot for feeling the way I do.
    “Just get over it,”
    “You’ll grow out of it,” anything that makes it sound so simple. Make’s me feel like I’m mentally weaker than everyone else, even though I very well may be.
  18. klodo

    klodo Well-Known Member

    I even saw this same thing on another anxiety forum where someone said that death is death weather its suicide or starvation and some resident know it all did the whole guilt thing about African people fighting to the very last breath to stay alive whereas we are just wasting our easy lives. I don't agree with him as he obviously has no idea how the human mind works.
  19. .:Anubis:.

    .:Anubis:. Member

    I've been told a few of those before. It hurts so much. If only they knew what depression felt like.

  20. jonstark

    jonstark Well-Known Member

    I like "Life is beautiful!"
    Makes me think "Orly?"
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