Complete Apathy

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by cie, Apr 1, 2012.

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  1. cie

    cie Banned Member


    Something has been bothering me lately; I have a really good friend that I've known a while and I love her a lot, but a lot of the time I become completely apathetic towards everything - I'm mean even to her and later I feel like complete crap because it's not what I'm like, and I don't understand what does that to me. When I become apathetic I generally hop on a video game and play but very very poorly because I don't care about the game either.

    During those times I wouldn't hesitate to tell her to go away and never talk to me again. She's the most wonderful understanding and caring person I have ever met and I don't want to push her away; as hard as it seems to be with her I'm scared I'll manage it soon enough and I really don't want to.

    When she talks about things that are important to her I make obnoxious remarks that probably just make her feel humiliated and worthless.

    She's never done a thing wrong and when I go through these phases she's always on the wrong end of it and I don't want to treat her that way anymore but can not do anything about it, it seems.

    Any advice?

  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Perhaps these are times when you are most depressed hun depression does that Try to explain to her that you don't wish to harm her but are ill and maybe a change in meds are needed to keep you more stable talk to your doc okay hugs
  3. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    When, as far as you recall, did this "apathy" start happening? Also, what sorts of situations trigger it to happen, and how exactly do you feel before, during and after it does happen?
  4. cie

    cie Banned Member

    I don't think it has much to do with depression and she does understand but that doesn't make me feel any less worse about it. I'm not on meds I stopped taking them and refuse to take them because they mess with my head and make me feel trapped.

    I'm not sure when it started happening, it just comes and goes-- kinda think it always has done. No real situation that I can think of, it's just there sometimes :/ During well, I feel nothing much really, and after I just feel guilty and confused.
  5. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi from another Kiwi cie - just a tip I thought of while reading the above.... the next time you are with her, try to focus your energies on thinking "How would it be if she was me, how would I feel?"

    Just share with her what your struggles are, and say it happens for reasons you don't understand, but want to find ways to not do it, and thanking her and valuing her for being there for you. try to imagine how devasting it would be to have her drop you out of her life - how much is that going to cost you to not allow that to happen?
  6. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    Well the reason I asked what types of situations trigger it is because if you know the answer to that, then feeling that way becomes more preventable. The next time it happens, just stop and try to ask yourself "why am I feeling this way right now? What triggered/caused this?" if you figure that out, then in the future, you can try to avoid such situations or if it's already happening, stop it before it gets too out of hand. One of the most important skills people learn in therapy is called mindfulness. It's a state of being self aware and knowing what's going on within you and around you and why. Practicing mindfulness is helpful to many people with emotional and behavioral problems. So try to figure out why you feel that way, okay? And in the meantime, you could try talking to your friend and explaining it to her, and apologize to let her know you didn't mean to behave that way. Have you thought of trying therapy with a professional at all?
  7. cie

    cie Banned Member


    I've been in professional therapy for six years and still continuing it. It's done wonders at times but at other times I realize no matter what they do I wont have a decent life.

    As for mindfulness, I'm generally okay with all that. But this just sneaks up on me and not being able to care about anything affects all that. There are no specific situations that trigger it, it just comes and goes :/
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