I've been trying hard for the last few weeks to put things to back of mind, pretend that I can get better imagine to myself the possibilities of change whilst putting the effort into make sure these things happen. Even reading more positive stuff and comparing my life to others who've struggled constantly throughout life to try and give my self some hope. But after careful self-assessment today and giving myself realistic insight to the possibilities of the future I have concluded in sound mind that there is no hope for me in the future. I am not that upset, I feel an odd sense of calm about the situation. Its just one of those unfortunate things. It's no great loss to the world, I've already almost faded completely, there's no point in putting myself through any more dissapointment in life. It breaks my heart everytime. I've been in and out of this feeling now for six years. I am no closer to a resolution at all, despite real efforts and changes. There's no point in even describing the metho as it'll just get edited out, but even if I do wake up tomorrow, I'm not going to bother logging on again here, it's pretty futile here.