Completely hopeless

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lostinca, Aug 20, 2011.

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  1. lostinca

    lostinca Well-Known Member

    At this point I am afraid to even think and type what's going to happen next? Everything is just about gone, my will to fight is almost gone. I am angry, so angry I guess I have that and that's something right?
    I can't kill myself I don't have a gun, I don't have the money to buy enough to do it, I just don't know I guess I am just venting in real life I don't have a single person to talk to about this when I try to talk to my best friend she is too wrapped up in her own life (she maybe going thru a divorce and I just don't want to bother burdening her with this).
    I'll make this as short as possible and I apoligize in advance for any typos of misspellings usually I try to fix all of that but I am shaking so bad I'm wondering how I can even type or put one foot in front of the other.
    I was forced into taking being laid off from my job last year. At first I didn't really realize how bad the economy is and thought I've been working since I was 17 so I have a solid work history, maybe a couple of months off in between jobs when I was in my early 20's but since 94 I haven't been off at all.
    Fast forward to now: still unemployed and unemployment is about $9 a hour I used to make $22 (yes I am that stupid to mess up a job with great pay). Needless to say I cant pay my bills I will probably lose my car and I can't refinance it because my credit isn't great because I have some bills to clear up). My parent's informed me yesterday over lunch that they are going to let their house I live in go into foreclosure if the bank doesn't let them reduce what the owe by half because of the market value decreasing.
    So wonderful I will be homeless soon (moving home is not a option my parents live with my younger sister who sent me a text last year saying that I am a waste of life and I really should just kill myself and succede this time not like my previous attempts. So no I will not have any contact with her again in my life.
    Now I have to explain to my boyfriend tonight that this house is going to be foreclosed on that's going to be a great conversation.
    The only "up" side is that I did get a job offer yesterday it's part time and only $10 hour but in a few months it could become permanente so I've been searching franctically fro part time job #2.
    Why? I'm not sure if I want to just hide in a corner or hit something. I wish I could go buy a punching bag that might help me express my anger.
    Thank you for letting me vent I just don't know anymore.
     
  2. Hoasis

    Hoasis Well-Known Member

    Sure thing its good to vent sometimes, but I think you are maybe in a crisis at the moment, but things could easily be resolved if you get a new job with ok salary..remember money isnt everything. You have a boyfriend you care about I assume? Go out with him, take a hike or enjoy eachother...get some fresh air, take a jog, that really helps! Just dont give up now, things can get much better in a few months:reub:
     
  3. lostinca

    lostinca Well-Known Member

    Thank you I just don't see how things can get better. I'm going to take a long walk with my dog tonight when it cools down here. Great Fresno weather it's about 100 now good times.
    I am so scared to tell Jason tonight he has no idea about how my family is with money. I would've told him about the house last night but today's his early day so I wanted to wait until tonight when he's home and has tomorrow off.
    I'm trying to look on the positive I do have my pets that I think love me (or its the food they get lol), I do have a part time job hopefully I was offered yesterday so I just need to pass the drug test which shouldnt be a problem but I just want to stop being scared.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 20, 2011
  4. roscho

    roscho Well-Known Member

    Stephanie,

    The situation that you are in is weighing on you heavily. You have a BF and a dog, whom I bet love you very much. Things come and go in this life. We have really awesome moments, good moments, every day moments, and crappy moments. Moments pass, as this crappy one will.

    You are using your tools - you are venting here, you are looking for a first and now a second job, you are destressing with your dog. Tonight, you'll talk to Jason. Let him carry some of this load until you can adjust your grip and take the load back. Your sister is evil, you've removed her from your life. You are such a strong person, but this load is more than you can carry at the moment, Jason will help you.

    Just breathe, deep, slow exhales, and think about positive things that you are doing, and need to continue to do. You will be having awesome moments again sooner than you think.
     
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