I am an American Expat living in Luxembourg. I have struggled on and off with depression my whole life, but it was under control until the past few months. My partner of five years revealed in July that he had been having an affair. We initially agreed to work through it and I forgave him, but then he started traveling for work and went radio silent. He eventually admitted he never stopped seeing the other guy, and then admitted that he had moved to Amsterdam with this person behind my back (while pretending he as just traveling for work). In October, It was announced that my company would be closing it's Luxembourg office, and we were all made redundant/laid off. My partner said he would come back for a week or so to get his things and talk so I could have some closure (most of his things are still here but he hasn't been home in five months), but then he goes radio silent for long periods and has broken so many promises I don't believe him. So I am sitting at home, alone, dumped, surrounded by all the memories of our relationship, and now I am broke and without a job. I also turn 40 in January. I do not want to exist anymore. I really don't. I think a lot about how I would do it, and am pretty sure I will <mod edit- methods> Loved ones are well intentioned with their "time heals all wounds and you will feel better" crap, but I'm tired of hearing it. I'm a 40 year old unemployed, broke divorced loser stranded in a country where even my friends and family can't visit. This really is my only solution. End it. The pain is unbearable and I'm not strong anymore.