Completely Useless

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Freya, Jan 21, 2012.

  1. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    I don't really answer many posts here because I feel like nothing I say is of any use to anyone. I spend a lot of time in chat and I really do try to help people in there. If people are alone in a room I check on them - if someone is clearly triggery or especially down I check on them and see if they want to talk - if anyone says "please can someone PM me" I try to do so... its a support site and I try to be supportive.
    I just feel like I am doing a really crappy job of helping. I say the wrong thing or I don't respond fast enough and the person feels ignored or I trot out all the trite over used assurances that everyone here hates. I feel like it'd be better if maybe I didn't talk to people. I feel like not only am I not helping - I am making it worse :(
    I feel like the people here have helped me so much and I can't even do my part in the give/take nature of the forum. If everyone here was as useless as me at giving support and advice the whole thing would fall apart. I feel like my presence here is tipping the balance in the negative and I want to be better but I don't know how :(
     
  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I'm sure you aren't useless at giving advice, at least you are trying to help people out and that's more than doing nothing. We don't always have the right words to say, but it's the support that matters. You can't help everyone but you can try and steer them in the right direction. Don't be so hard on yourself, just keep helping people the best way you can.
     
  3. Tmacster1

    Tmacster1 Well-Known Member

    I don't think your useless at giving advice either. At least your trying and that's all that matters because some people will take advice and some won't. Whatever they do in the end is there decision, and there's no way to stop that. I agree with Christy I wish I had the right words to say but I don't... At least we can try to guide them in the right direction and to let them know there is hope. However, we only know so much about them because what they post is how their feeling at the current time. I wish I could be more of a help, but at least I know I'm trying to give out some helpful advice - and I hope they take it. I don't think anyone's advice is useless because it may help someone out greatly. Sometimes they'll take your advice and sometimes they won't. We can't control that so there's no shame in trying to help others. :hug:

    Trevor,
     
  4. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    Lu! You are not useless! People tend to be on the instant gratification side of things as of late. It's like they cannot get support fast enough. Maybe you could let the pplz know that real support takes time. If they still demand and put expectations on your interaction, it's best to direct them to a resource that can hep them. That's all you can do.

    :hug:
     
  5. Tmacster1

    Tmacster1 Well-Known Member

    Well put Jason I believe you are not useless or worthless at all. It shows a lot that you are posting here and that your trying to help others. I hope you continue to feel able to post here, and don't worry about the people who don't take your advice. At least you tried and that's all that matters. :hug:

    Trevor,
     
  6. In a Lonely Place

    In a Lonely Place Well-Known Member

    Hey Lu ,don't be so hard on yourself. There's a real mixture of reasons why people might not appear to take advice. Some people just wanna vent and maybe aren't specifically looking for advice. Some people like me maybe have given up so are not gonna be too receptive as you know through us talking.I believe some people are attention seekers on here IMO and don't want sound advice on how to address their problems which may or may not even be real. There's more variables than that but your not alone in feeling like that. The main thing is that you acknowledge people,read their story and offer advice or simply that you relate to their plight and maybe what's helped you cope. If people aren't ready to hear or don't respond in a positive way,try not to take it personally as your not a therapist. We can listen to,support each other on here but we aren't qualified to fix people. Keep doing what you do :hug:
     
  7. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    Thank you all :hug:
    xxxx
     
  8. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    You are very welcome and just remember--even if you help save one life, you've done your job.
     
  9. In a Lonely Place

    In a Lonely Place Well-Known Member

    "done your job"?

    It's not her job,Lu came on here for support and because she has a has her own set of problems! Is that why your here,to save lives?
     
  10. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I didn't mean it like that, I realized now I used the wrong choice of words. I meant that she shouldn't feel down on herself not being able to help everyone, since not everyone will take the advice or want to be helped. I meant that even if she helps out one person, that she is helping because that person won't hurt themselves. Everyone here has problems, including myself and that's why I came here--to get help. i also want to help people but I guess I'm not very good at that.
     
  11. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I truly, honestly did not mean to offend anyone with my words. That was really not my intent at all. Again, I'm sorry for phrasing things the way I did. I always had trouble communicating what I want to say and I don't mean it to be taken the wrong way.
     
  12. In a Lonely Place

    In a Lonely Place Well-Known Member

    No big deal,it just looked a little over the top. That's the only reason I commented,so people know Freya isn't some do-gooder on here for an ego trip.:)
     
  13. Pasta08

    Pasta08 Banned Member

    Way the hell out of line
     
  14. In a Lonely Place

    In a Lonely Place Well-Known Member

    Excuse me? No, weve established what was out of line and moved on. So how bout you do the same ya drama queen?
     
  15. Pasta08

    Pasta08 Banned Member

    Just like that was outta line. See you may of been protecting your friend but Christy has friends as well. Public apology is needed.
     
  16. In a Lonely Place

    In a Lonely Place Well-Known Member

    The only apology needed has already been made :) that's why christy apologised.It's not anybodies "job" to save lives on here,it was a silly comment and I rightly picked up on it.:) Jog on
     
  17. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    Christy - I wasn't at all offended; I know what you meant and I thank you for commenting at all :hug: please don't feel bad.
    Mark - thank you :hug:
     
  18. Pasta08

    Pasta08 Banned Member

    Couldn't come off as a bigger ass