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Compulsive binge eating and purging

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Im totally confused with it all.. i cant have bulimia, because i eat all day most days, binges- huge amounts of junk food when i can afford it, and other times just anything n everything i can find to eat.

I cant resist the urge to eat and when i eat anything- even a small healthy snack such as fruit.. it just sets me off into a huge binge. Then i purge as much as possible, but i hate the purging so i never feel like ive got enough food up.

When i eat i dont so much feel guilty, not ALL THE TIME, its mainly a fear of being too full and feeling ill later on and stuff. i was anorexic last year, i went down to my lowest weight of 70lbs at 5ft 7'. Then when i was threatened with inpatient and told i was at serious health risks, i decided to turn it round, so i strted eatin again, little and often, and it took aaaaggggeees to put weight on, then i would binge a lot on sweets and junky foods- all the foods i had restricted for so long!

Food became available, so i abused it and got into bulimia. Even when i was restricting food during the anorexiaa, i would have binges weekly, but back then i couldnt bring myself to throwing up- due to fear of vomiting.

Now its a total mess, i have no control over it, im exhausted with it, but i cant stop.. if i resist food for a few hours, i end up bingeing later on. if i drink alcohol, it makes me hungry later and i binge/purge after.
I dont go out anymore, all my benefit money is spent on FOOD. I know its a waste, but if i dnt spend MY money on junk food, my parents wont bail me out. so its my only option.

Im currently in the middle of a huge binge which i didnt even want, and i had a previous binge this morning on toasted white bread and butter and sum left over stew frm lastnight which i couldnt purge- i felt ill this morning after yesterdays horrific junk food binge. Ugh wat a nightmare, i was supposed to be getting my hair cut and having tea and a drink out with mum n dad- which i wanted to do, but NO fukin binges take over AS USUAL.

This gets me so down and makes me even more of a hermit. What a loser i am. Does anyone else have binges ALL DAY EVERY DAY? wtf am i doing please help, wats wrong?

Know how you feel :hug:
It controls your life
I dont even think about it
I just eat and eat
And than suddenly I realize
That there isn't anything to eat anymore
And than I want to purge too
But thats unfortunately not always possible
Because my mom is home a lot
But what I plan my day full to avoid binge
Because when I'm not at home
I dont eat or at least not much
And about the money
I buy everything I want at the begin of the month
So I dont have money to buy unnecessary food
But you always find a way to get food
So I dont think I can help you
because I cant help myself either
Take care :hug:
If you want to talk about it you can always pm me :smile:
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