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Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by ~PinkElephants~, Jan 10, 2008.

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  1. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    I've conceded to the fact that people don't like me. It kills me inside to know that I'll never know why they don't like me. I guess I've given up on trying to make people see me for who I really am. It gets old you know, it gets tiring. It wears me down trying to put on this tough "bitch" front so I don't get hurt when the truth is I wear my hurt on my face.

    I don't understand why I even bother anymore. I don't know why I try to sit there and show people. Honestly, behind this tough act I'm breaking. I hate having people mad at me and what's worse is I hate not knowing why. It hurts me to think that someone doesn't like me. I try so hard sometimes to be liked, sometimes I try too hard. I conform to what I think people want to see and I lose who I really am.

    I am not this hard ass person that hates everyone. I hold my dear friends close to my heart and I cherish the moments we have together, even if few. I am not this person that lets harsh words bounce off of her. I take every negative thing about me and internalize it. When all the stuff overflows I abuse myself. I find peace in knowing that I can hurt myself more than someone else can. I let negative words eat me up inside when I know I should push them aside and realize that the people who don't know me, don't know the true me, don't matter. I let things eat away at the good inside me and let it get replaced with anger and hatred.

    I wasn't always this angry. I wasn't always this bitter. I wasn't the one to question peoples actions or words. I took what they sad and believed them. Once things started to turn into lies, once people started to feed me with bullshit, that's when I became bitter. I don't like who I am but it's like I can't control it.

    You know still the thing that hurts the most is the sheer fact that I know not everyone will like me. I still try to make them see the nicer side of me, but some people just don't want to take the time. I just wish people would take the time to ask me who I was, what I was about etc. before the came to some prejudged notion. I hate how people just assume I'm someone I'm not without even taking the time to ask. People don't know me. People just choose to pick and choose what they see and make assumptions based on factless nothings. I don't even care if that sentance makes sense. I'm so freakin' overwhelmed. I can't stop crying, I can't sleep, it hurts to even think yet my brain won't shut off.

    I just get tired of people and their bullshit facades and their lies. I'm tired of fuckin' being lied to. Just once show me true colors and truth and maybe then i won't be such a cynical, bitter, bitch. Just once!!! :blub:
  2. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    :sad: Kellz..I know it's not much, but I like you.. :hug:
  3. Robin

    Robin Guest

    Me too :) :hug:
  4. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    i know people like me. I know people care about me. I know I should find comfort or solace in that and I do to some extent, but beyond that it still hurts. It still kills me inside to know that people hate me.

    i woke up today and i hurt. mentally, physically, emotionally, i hurt. i know words can only go so far, i know that i cant make everyone like me, i know it's impossible. BUT for my own sanity I'd still like to know why. at least a why could make me better myself or tryt o fix my faults.

    blah, gotta go now and play minion.
  5. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Who's gone and upset you to this degree :mad: I'll have their guts for garters :mad:

  6. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    No ones upset me Terry sorta. I don't know what my problem is. I just hate feeling like this and I know that I need to stop caring what people think, especially those that hate/dislike me. I shouldn't let it bother me but I do let it bother me and it's slowly killing me inside. I just want answers and I truly think you know what i mean.
  7. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Yeah I do :sad: but remember no one can like everyone and sometimes the best thing to do is avoid those that grieve the soul. :hug:
  8. Just_a_guy

    Just_a_guy Well-Known Member

    I like ya too :)
  9. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    I can't let go Terry. How long have I tried? It bothers me more now that "they" kissed my ass when the truth is they don't like me one bit. It hurts, pisses me off, pushes the wrong buttons, I don't know. It just doesn't sit well with me and I have a tough time getting past the fact that they are willing to be all sweet to my face but so harsh to others. Just fuckin' tell me what you really think, you know?! Stop ignoring me, stop kissing my ass, stop lying.

  10. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    Human beings are very complicated things. Just look at yourself and see how complicated you feel sometimes. Does it feel like you've seen things and felt things that no one else ever will?
    To feel so alone because you can't explain the things that you feel and think maybe?
    I like you Kells. I think your a great person but I am a complicated person too. I get apathetic and don't seem to look like I give a crap. People are weird but it doesn't mean they don't like you.
    Thank you for the xmas e card btw.
    The very problem is that humans don't truly understand or try to understand or have the ability to understand each other to our full potential. I reckon that is the cause of social breakdown. But I class you as a friend and if I was where you are now i'de read this post and go for a drink and a chin wag.
    The very fact you tell people how you feel lets their complications go and really see what they would normally ignore.
    Every single person on this planet who has any intelligence is completely mad in my opinion so sometimes we need reminding of what really matters and the simplicity of life to be better friends IMO.
    Stick in there hun.
  11. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    ugh ugh ugh ugh UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    If I could scream and not wake up this whole god damn house I would. I would scream until i had no voice left.

    JESUS CHRIST!!!! For once be real.

    Sorry, I just wish I could scream and not stop. I'm so frustrated. I'm so angry. BUT I can't show that anger because I know what will happen.
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