Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by swimmergirl, Jul 12, 2011.

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  1. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    every time my flashbacks and memories and overall anxiety and depression get really really bad, I just want to let some random guy fuck me, use me and hurt me.... i am scared of how badly i want to let this happen to myself.
  2. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Do you want this is some sort of punishment? Self harm by proxy?

    You know its not right to let such a thing happen, and that's good. I hope you have the strength to fight this destructive need.
  3. UsedToBe

    UsedToBe Well-Known Member

    same here :(
  4. justMe7

    justMe7 Well-Known Member

    I can understand where you are coming from. All I can say is, where you are when you don't want that, that's where you need to strengthen and re-affirm.

    If you're having flashbacks and it's making you lose boundaries and making your self worth fade, I would suggest talking about it with somoene that you trust so you can begin to strengthen and re-find you in those darker moments.

    A good thing is to begin to have things that remind you of who you are and want to be. Sort of like something for you to reference yourself, and remind you that you are worth more than those feelings and fears that are swirling around you.

    Im sorry you feel this way, I really am. It's not right that youve gone through this and are continuing to be re-feel it. But be proud of yourself, you're talking about it and believe me that is incredibly important :hug: you are worth more than anything someone has done to you, and you always will be worth more. No one can take that away from you.
  5. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    I am the same hun. I feel like is what should happen to me, what I deserve because of what has actually happened to me in the past.

    Have you talked to any professionals/friends or anyone about this? I know it's hard, but you are not strange or crazy. You are just in pain and it's not your fault.

    I am here if you need to talk.

    Take care :hug: xx
  6. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    thanks, i have told my psychiatrist about it, he just says don't do it. Which is only so helpful.

    It is just hard to control and it scares me so much, but it also makes me feel like I am in control in some sick sort of way. But in the end, i just end up feeling like dog shit about myself, which is really not that different than how I feel if I didn't do it.
  7. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    You have identified its about control, well done!

    I would use CBT in your case, ie when these thoughts come what triggers them, how do you feel about them, then try to identify the cognitive dysfunction behind it. The thing is that its telling you sleeping with someone will make you feel better when that's not the case.
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