Concerning Poems / For the Mortal

Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by PoetMan, Mar 2, 2007.

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  1. PoetMan

    PoetMan Well-Known Member

    So I don't have to keep saying this in every response, I thought I'd explain my position on poetry, and then give you my best one so you can see what you think.

    Like a lot of writers, I consider poetry to be the highest form of expression, and the hardest to do right. A poem that fits an established form is generally better than one that doesn't. Free verse poetry is for lazy people :wink:

    I was taught to do sonnets. A sonnet is a 14-line poem with a set number of syllables to each line and a dictated rhyme scheme, depending on whether it's an Italian (or Petrarchan) or an English (or Shakespearian) sonnet. Because I like to be original, I created my own sonnet form, which "For the Mortal" fits. My sonnets have no set limit on length, seven syllables to a line, and are usually a chain of couplets, which means each pair of lines rhymes.
  2. PoetMan

    PoetMan Well-Known Member

    For the Mortal

    Garden green, near thy border
    I first played the invader;
    Who needed not a reason
    To intrude upon a season
    And was welcomed once within.
    Let me let myself come in.

    Garden ripe, here in your grandeur
    I may laze awhile ’mid splendor,
    Though I paused not to remove
    My offending trampling hoof
    You tolerate the insult.
    I destroy with no result.

    Come the fall I felt no chill.
    Come dear, why did you fall ill?
    Inconveniencing at best,
    Your discomfort shook my nest,
    As a death will always do.
    Dying’s such a bear for you.

    I’ve not found in years gone bye
    Coast more pleasing to the eye.
    Only now that I have flown
    Is the joy you gave me known
    And I pine again for you.
    I knew not: You changed me too.

    As millennia turn dark
    I still find I miss a spark.
    There is ice were once was heat
    My heart oft now will not beat
    And my ilk say “He’s tainted
    By mem’ry best restrainéd,
    But thus we are wont to do.”
    They know not: You changed me too.

    Understanding does not know
    But our ways would have it so:
    For we use the mortal kind,
    Break the body, tear the mind,
    Plow under my Garden Green
    Beat thy ores into blades keen;
    And so rarely does one cleave
    Yourself, like water on the leaves,
    And transfigure us so well,
    Leaving everlasting shell
    Of the race who knows not fear
    Of death, who lends lips, not ear
    To the gods above. Though used
    Commonly, left once abused,
    And never more the bright hue,
    You knew not: You changed me too.
  3. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    Good poem, and interesting idea.

    But, you can't invent your own "sonnet form". If you invented it then it might have a form, but it isn't actually a sonnet.
  4. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I like your poem but disagree strongly that "free verse poetry is for lazy people". On the contrary, I find free verse the hardest poetry to write. Not only that, but there are a fair number of poets on this forum who write beautifully in free verse.:smile: And I know they're not lazy, just very talented.:smile:

  5. Well aren't you just SO VERY f***ing superior to the 156 pages filled with hearfelt and desperate expressions here about the human condition...


  6. kindtosnails

    kindtosnails Staff Alumni

    I like your poem, Poetman. :smile:

    I think you have to see that your comment about free verse being for lazy people could easily insult a fair number of people, if that's your opinion, fine, you don't have to like all the poems posted here, that's your opinion, doesn't mean you have to broadcast it to the world. Anyway, I had one question, for which i'm fairly certain you'll shoot me down in flames, if "A poem that fits an established form is generally better than one that doesn't.", then how come you made up your 'own sonnet form' that has no set limit on length? If you make up your own form, how exactly does that fit an 'established form'? Not looking to argue, just interested in your views.
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