Being suicidal for most of my life, I've come to one conclusion: Suicide fucking hurts! These days I've been way too busy to be suicidal. Still, it's in the back of my mind as a last resort. These are trying, uncertain times for me. I do go to a community center where they have counseling for free. That's a big help. And a good friend of mine is suffering from insomnia, anxiety, depression, and exhaustion. She needs my help, and I need her company. So that's something. I've learned not to expect too much from life and take things day by day and hour by hour if necessary. I figure the people that society calls winners are bigger fuck ups than I ever will be, so I deserve a chance to live. Still, I hope to gather up enough courage to kill myself, because as time goes on, my body will turn against me and rot away. I would like to kill myself before that happens.