If it's not bad enough being unemployed, depressed, and completely terrified constantly throughout the day along with being rejected in interviews while having applications go unanswered, let the universe pile on more distress in my life. I receive a statement in the mail telling me I am being denied food stamps now because I do not have employment. The only reason I applied for food stamps for the first time in my life is due to not having employment, and out of nowhere, I am not worthy to survive on a whole new level in the wealthiest country in the world. "Able bodied adults aged 18-50 without dependents are limited to three months of benefits in any 36 month period unless the person is working an average of 20 hours per week or is otherwise exempt." While I am new to these government benefits, this sounds like to me I will no longer be receiving food stamps as of next month which is indicated in the letter itself. Finally I have received the highest caliber of conclusive proof that I am not fit for this world and do not belong anymore. When the very government I worked for and paid taxes throughout my life decides I am not worthy to even eat, because I cannot find employment, it's a clear message that the grim fate I have been planning for is the best route. There was the ever so slightest comfort that could possibly be fathomed which was if I decide to try to live on the streets after losing everything, there will be at least food stamps and the ability to eat while I was under the impression even the homeless and jobless qualify. When I thought things couldn't possibly get any worse as I was already living it and understanding how bad it could possibly get, this is a whole new era of distress which I cannot bear to handle. The last straw I truly needed to develop enough conclusive proof and courage that I shouldn't continue on with my being. I have heard many stories of people gaming the system for food stamps while living in houses with multiple vehicles and purchasing steak and lobster with these government benefits, but when someone like myself truly needs this multi-billion dollar benefit system, they are denied for the very reason they need the assistance. My last bit of mental comfort has gone back to the idea that perhaps there is a plan and destiny in this universe for me which is no longer the existence I reside in but the potential afterlife there may be. A higher calling in which I am being pulled forth towards due to the fact I am simply too good for this cruel world I have to constantly deal with while the universe can feel that debilitating pressure I constantly endure guiding me through the very fate which has been that plan to end my existence. Maybe a spiritual duty is awaiting my presence and this is finally the message brought forth to walk through that grim door as enlightenment, purpose, and peace will embrace on the other side. When my father's heart failed at the age of 54, the only comfort I could gather was the interesting aspect of the fact that he was born on a full moon and died on a full moon as his time of birth was basically exactly the same of his time of death indicated on the mysterious appearance of his birth certificate arriving in the mail while he fell against a grandfather clock which stopped the time in his passing. Friends mentioned he was too good for this planet, and now I will follow in his fate as it's obviously my turn to stop the clock being too good or not good enough for this life. I am not sure what can stop the tears at this point anymore as all I really desired was to work, hold a small apartment, and try to enjoy the simple aspects of life. There was no desire for a multitude of material possessions, fancy vehicles, modern clothing, big houses, a surplus of money, or even a romantic interest in starting a family. Just simplicity which I thought could be gained by my desire and ability for physical labor which I thought growing up would be just enough to get by and not have to worry so much. But no longer is breaking your back, working hard, sweating constantly, and having decent morals and work ethic a viable means of making a living. Survival is dependent upon the financial background one is born into obviously in this country which is exactly what was lacking in my life. I understand I am not as special or as worthy as I thought growing up anymore when I once upon a time had those feelings.