Although never to date just sex the first job I had my boss was my mom's age me being so shy asked if she wanted to... I thought she was going to screw me to death. Really quite an attractive woman that looked better in her 40s than many half her age. I was 22 she was 46. Nobody at work ever had a clue it was going on which is not the normal when that is happening.
Confessions: Stuff I Find Hard To Live With
- Thread starter Dark111
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I know that I have seen more than one place about the types you should get together with are those a fair amount older and younger, say 15 or 20 years or so. I can see me trying it with a woman 20 years younger with the reply being: Ewwwww, you look like a bald Ron Jeremy. I would just tell them I am built exactly like Ron Jeremy... but only from the waist up, does that excite you? 
I know that I have seen more than one place about the types you should get together with are those a fair amount older and younger, say 15 or 20 years or so. I can see me trying it with a woman 20 years younger with the reply being: Ewwwww, you look like a bald Ron Jeremy. I would just tell them I am built exactly like Ron Jeremy... but only from the waist up, does that excite you?
unloading my consciencen not being able to tell this kid who thought i had a crush on him that i don't. never got to tell this girl i liked that i liked her because she was my friend and had a bf told my sister bitch no when said she wanted to cosplay for anime expo it just came out of my mouth when i wanted to say go ahead. all my panic attacks not telling my entire story in my presentation about myself not telling others when asked asked about phobias about my aquaphobia didn't realize i was drawing on white board interrupting this kid's presentation because i was zoning out didn't get a chance to apologise. should've payed attention in math and all my freshman year at high school classes so i didn't need to repeat it should have made more friends. should've took up a sport should have talked to my therapist all my feelings should have done better at work before i quit. should've never said yes to this guy who asked me out should have never said a lot of this (sorry i call most people my age kids why i don't know) shouldn't have done anything else i regretted
Oh man...where do I even begin?
I didn't visit my mom even once when she was battling stage 4 cervical cancer. I maybe called her 3 times during a year.
My sister desperately tried getting pregnant for years and finally succeded. I still haven't visited or met my 3 year old nephew despite how much I know it means to her.
I've stolen and lied, commited crime when I was an addict. Exploited people and the social welfare system.
I didn't visit my mom even once when she was battling stage 4 cervical cancer. I maybe called her 3 times during a year.
My sister desperately tried getting pregnant for years and finally succeded. I still haven't visited or met my 3 year old nephew despite how much I know it means to her.
I've stolen and lied, commited crime when I was an addict. Exploited people and the social welfare system.
"You stand with the least likely to succeed until success is succeeded by something more valuable: kinship. You stand with the belligerent, the surly and the badly behaved until bad behavior is recognized for the language it is: the vocabulary of the deeply wounded and of those whose burdens are more than they can bear."
- Greg Boyle
- Greg Boyle
This thread died out a while ago, but I've thought of a few that I think I need to let go of (or at least, mention them "out loud"), and thus, thought of this thread again.
1. Right now, I'm swallowing benzos like skittles, at a much higher dose than I used to, because I find it difficult to deal with all the stress of daily life. I don't want to put the "blame" on him, but mostly, my husband is the reason for this. In other words, he's at fault, but it's still my decision and responsibility that I've been doing this to myself and making my tolerance go up higher and higher. Hell, at the rate I'm going, I may need benzo detox at some point.
2. I feel like I'm not good enough as of late, for several different reasons. I feel I'm not good enough as a student, a woman, a human being in general.
3. I really needed that last therapy session (if not to begin an actual solution-focused approach, then to at least vent) that I never ended up having because she didn't even bother showing up or warning me that she wasn't showing up. Guess that says something about how much she gives a fuck about me (or any of her clients, really), don't it?
4. My husband broke my fucking heart as of recently and I'm not sure it can be repaired ever again. It was something I never, in a million years, imagined him doing to me, despite everything else he's done. And he went and did it...well, not "did it" completely, but he did fucking more than enough to break my heart, trust, self-esteem, and spirit. Not sure how I can ever move on now.
5. I'm not sure my marriage is even worthwhile anymore to continue fighting for. All we ever do is stress each other out, don't even understand one another's point of view (let alone agree with it) half the time...which could even be an understatement, argue about both dumb and important shit, and have two different paths we seem to want to take in life, as well as two totally opposite viewpoints on how to live it.
6. All of this is affecting my schoolwork, my sanity, my self-esteem and confidence, and I feel I may be reaching a breaking point.
7. Even my personality is changing. I now act like I simply don't give a fuck about much of anything at this point, especially when it comes to socializing, friends, trusting people, and caring enough to be the polite, quiet person I used to be. Now, if you piss me off, I'm liable to snap without any concern for the consequences. I never used to be this way. I never treated anyone like shit, even when they were rude to me. Now, the "crazy" simply comes out at times and there's nothing I feel I can do to control it.
8. I'm starting to hate people again as a whole and hold a lot of resentment inside of me. The angry, misanthropic me that seemed to have died out a while ago may be coming back.
9. Edit: One more big one. Possibly the biggest one because it's something I don't think I've ever admitted to anyone before: Hi, I'm Tanya, and I'm constantly being emotionally abused and manipulated by my sociopathic/narcissistic husband whom I can't seem to get rid of...whom it's possibly too dangerous to get rid of...and I don't know where to turn to. I've never technically gotten "hit", but I constantly get threatened, emotionally and physically. And yes, there were a couple of times during his dissociations that he did "lay a hand on me"...not actually hurting me in the process, but it was "bad enough", so to speak. And bottom line is, I'm afraid of him, afraid of leaving, afraid of what he's capable of.
1. Right now, I'm swallowing benzos like skittles, at a much higher dose than I used to, because I find it difficult to deal with all the stress of daily life. I don't want to put the "blame" on him, but mostly, my husband is the reason for this. In other words, he's at fault, but it's still my decision and responsibility that I've been doing this to myself and making my tolerance go up higher and higher. Hell, at the rate I'm going, I may need benzo detox at some point.
2. I feel like I'm not good enough as of late, for several different reasons. I feel I'm not good enough as a student, a woman, a human being in general.
3. I really needed that last therapy session (if not to begin an actual solution-focused approach, then to at least vent) that I never ended up having because she didn't even bother showing up or warning me that she wasn't showing up. Guess that says something about how much she gives a fuck about me (or any of her clients, really), don't it?
4. My husband broke my fucking heart as of recently and I'm not sure it can be repaired ever again. It was something I never, in a million years, imagined him doing to me, despite everything else he's done. And he went and did it...well, not "did it" completely, but he did fucking more than enough to break my heart, trust, self-esteem, and spirit. Not sure how I can ever move on now.
5. I'm not sure my marriage is even worthwhile anymore to continue fighting for. All we ever do is stress each other out, don't even understand one another's point of view (let alone agree with it) half the time...which could even be an understatement, argue about both dumb and important shit, and have two different paths we seem to want to take in life, as well as two totally opposite viewpoints on how to live it.
6. All of this is affecting my schoolwork, my sanity, my self-esteem and confidence, and I feel I may be reaching a breaking point.
7. Even my personality is changing. I now act like I simply don't give a fuck about much of anything at this point, especially when it comes to socializing, friends, trusting people, and caring enough to be the polite, quiet person I used to be. Now, if you piss me off, I'm liable to snap without any concern for the consequences. I never used to be this way. I never treated anyone like shit, even when they were rude to me. Now, the "crazy" simply comes out at times and there's nothing I feel I can do to control it.
8. I'm starting to hate people again as a whole and hold a lot of resentment inside of me. The angry, misanthropic me that seemed to have died out a while ago may be coming back.
9. Edit: One more big one. Possibly the biggest one because it's something I don't think I've ever admitted to anyone before: Hi, I'm Tanya, and I'm constantly being emotionally abused and manipulated by my sociopathic/narcissistic husband whom I can't seem to get rid of...whom it's possibly too dangerous to get rid of...and I don't know where to turn to. I've never technically gotten "hit", but I constantly get threatened, emotionally and physically. And yes, there were a couple of times during his dissociations that he did "lay a hand on me"...not actually hurting me in the process, but it was "bad enough", so to speak. And bottom line is, I'm afraid of him, afraid of leaving, afraid of what he's capable of.
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