Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Puddytat, Sep 19, 2007.

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  1. Puddytat

    Puddytat Well-Known Member

    not sure what im getting myself into here...

    i have a sinking feeling that being a part of this is going to cause problems in my life.
    i wanna be here, help and be helped but i have a life that wont quite agree w/ all this. and by life i mean bf.
    dont get me wrong, hes not insensitive or anything, hes really wonderful and he tries to be supportive.
    i love him to death but im scared of telling him about this and what im doing here coz part of me thinks he wont understand or accept it, especially if it takes my attention away from him. i know he can be insecure and jealous although he wont admit it.

    i get away w/ it at work but if im on at home there are 101 questions about what im doing and who im talking to. i dont want to drive him away by lying or avoiding the subject.

    basically im scared and maybe embarassed. i just cant tell him!

    he knows how im feeling at the moment, thats not a secret but he has previously had a suicidal gf and he doesnt have anything good to say about it. he sees me as a stable level headed person which i usually am, we have even spoken about suicide but he knows i could not go thru w/ it, i think for him its just the 'stigma' attached to being here, like maybe i am falling off my rocker or what am i doing here coz i dont belong here.

    im so confused. i dont want to cause any problems either way.
  2. twilightki

    twilightki Well-Known Member

    Tell him about it. If he loves you, he won't care. You're doing this to seek help, and get better. He shouldn't have a problem with it, if he does.....he's the one with the problem, not you, dear. :tongue:
  3. Puddytat

    Puddytat Well-Known Member

    ok so last night i sorta told him, well not everything, he accused me of not trusting him etc but eventually he said i mustnt pre judge him and tell him what i am comfortable telling him so i did, i told him i cant tell him because im scared of how he'll react and i have every right to be worried because of past experiences so its not just all in my head. i told him that what i am doing may help me and i may help but i dont want him to think im being secretive because im not doing anything illegal or hurtful to him. he was okay with it and i dont think he will bug me about it too much now.

    i couldnt tell him about SF because im still too scared. maybe soon tho, we will build it up to that. Also im scared of pouring my heart out and him going quiet, i cant handle that and that happens too often.
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