Confuse and need a shoulder to lean on.

[heya]

This is really hard and embarrassing for me to type this, but I really need to vent this out. Here goes..

I'm turning 20 soon and so far I have nothing to show for it. I lost all my friends ever since I dropped out of high school when I was 16, never had a job, still live with my parents, I have a lot of family issues, never had a boyfriend, don't even know how to drive, and I have very low self-esteem with no social life at all.

Its funny, because to the public, everyone thinks I am a very happy, sweet, beautiful, talented girl. Even my family thinks everything is okay with me and that I am just a late bloomer. I don't like showing people how I really feel because I am so afraid no one will take me serious and I don't want people to think bad of me. I'm at a point though where I can't let it bottle up anymore. I never really talked about my feelings before until now. Instead of this sweet, happy girl people think I am, inside I feel like I'm dying slowly. I feel very ugly, not intelligent, and just one big mess. As each day goes by, I get more and more depress and I think my depression is manifesting into something serious.

I have no idea where to turn though. I'm not ready to tell my parents exactly how I feel and I don't know if my depression is serious enough for me to see someone professional. I'm scared to tell anyone else how I feel, that's why I am here at this forum.

I really wish I had more time to write but I have somewhere to be at. I just really needed to get this off my chest. I would love people's thoughts and opinions though. Such as, should I really consider seeking professional help? And if anyone wants to know more about me and my other problems and thoughts, please let me know or PM. I would love to get more off my chest.

Thank you for all those who took the time to read my silly thoughts. It is much appreciated. <3

 

[dazzle11215]

since this is a suicide related forum, and you are posting, then yes, i think you should seek some professional help. you don't mention it, but are you feeling suicidal? if you are headed down that path you can intervene now before it gets much worse.

some people find anti-depressants work (others not) so that is also something to discuss with your doctor. let us know what you decide?

 

[starchild]

I know how you feel because I have been, and still go through, exactly what you are feeling right now. You made the first important step by expressing how you feel and that you feel you need help. If your family don't know about how you feel I suggest you tell them, and I'm sure they will help you in any way that they can. They are the first people you should try to talk to.

I am here for you by the way. Message me if you need to talk, as I want to help in any way I can.

 

[MaNg0s]

I think you do need to seek professional help especially if you think that it could manifest into something else. Depression is not something that should be dealt with alone or ignored. Maybe you should talk to your parents about how you feel I remember when I first did it just made living at home so much easier and could do the same for you just to get it off your chest might make you feel better. Well good luck I hope it works out for you.

 

[Stranger1]

Do you live in the USA? If you do you are already considered an adult. You don't have to tell your parents nothing if you don't want to. I really think you need to go to the hospital and ask to speak with someone in mental health.
Suicidal is a very serious state of mind. Because you brought it up, I reccomend you don't wait to see what will happen next. You need to go there today!!
You can't fight depression by yourself it takes therapy and most of the time meds to help support you. You need a phsyc doctor to help in your care. I hope you will seek the help you need. It isn't anything to be ashamed of. You aren't alone in this there are millions of people who suffer from it. Good luck and get some help o.k?:chopper: