Confused about it

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Chronic, Dec 18, 2015.

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  1. Chronic

    Chronic New Member

    I lived with a friend of mine for a while. We were both going through some tough times in our lives. We got extremely close during this period of time and have grown to deeply love each other, we promised we wouldn't leave each others sides. We had been having sex with each other sometimes, we even slept in the same bed occasionally. But just friends.
    One night we got really drunk with some very close friends at our house. I tapped out first, went upstairs to go to sleep and left them to continue the party. I fall asleep. She comes upstairs at some later point in the night. "<Mod Edit:Graphic>
    She starts yelling at me again, calling me useless, saying I'm bad at sex, that she hates me. The next morning she is acting all nice like nothing happened and it turned out she didn't remember it and all she says about it is "oh stop being overdramatic I didn't rape you" and "you still came" and "maybe but you liked it" and "don't be such a bitch".
    I just don't know how to think about it. I'm scared to mention it to anyone because they might make fun of me or say that it wasn't rape, especially since I still consider her a friend. Its so conflicting in my head because she's one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen and <Mod Edit:Graphic>and I would've liked it if it weren't for the verbal/physical abuse. Since then I've felt like my "manhood" is gone. I get terribly nervous talking to women. I'm so insecure about myself sexually now. I once again struggle with my self image after overcoming it in my childhood so many years ago. I have trouble maintaining an erection and I can't always last so long in bed like I used to.
    It happened a few months ago. I am still her friend and I talk to her almost every day. But I feel so much sexual tension toward her, like I can't resist her. We have had sex since then. When I dominate her in bed it seems to be the only thing that makes me feel better about the situation and myself.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 18, 2015
  2. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    She had sex with you when you said no and told her to stop. That makes it rape. Its not unmanly and its okay to still be attracted to her. I think you should get some rape counselling - if you google there will be some place near you that does it the chances are, or your doctor can help. You were sexually assaulted and you need to get some real help. I am sorry that this happened to you, but don't let anyone tell you that it doesn't count because of this or that - you said no and she didn't - that is really all there is to it.
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  3. Renegade

    Renegade Well-Known Member

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