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Confused and Frustrated.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Mirikun, May 21, 2012.

  1. Mirikun

    Mirikun Well-Known Member

    Hi SF!

    I've got a bit of a problem...

    So.. I have a boyfriend. A lovely boyfriend who would do anything for me. However, there are a few problems on my end. First of all he lives halfway across the globe, 5000+ miles away. We see each other maybe once a year or even less. Secondly, when we do see each other, I feel very uncomfortable. And then most importantly..... I think I definitely prefer girls. I don't know what to do.

    I want to leave him. It's too difficult for me like this and I don't think I can take it for much longer. I feel so limited and stuck to my computer/phone because of him. But I know how much he cares about me and he'd be devastated if I left him. In fact, I'm worried he would kill himself. He has a very difficult family life, no money, and says that I'm the only thing in his life that he lives for. I would feel so selfish leaving him, and I really love him a lot and want him to be happy. Then again I feel like I shouldn't have to sacrifice my life to something I don't really want just to keep someone else happy - It's my life. I don't know.

    When he visits... Gahhh, it's like an overload of affection for me. I should enjoy it I suppose because I hardly get to see him but I don't. I just get terrified of physical contact and sort of clam up and get upset. I just can't enjoy my time with him. I feel terrible, but it all just isn't working out for me. Then I just... Like girls. I can't help it. I just do. I've talked to him about it a lot as well and have admitted to him that, I won't lie, I would love to be with a girl. He then asks me what it is he doesn't have, but I just can't pin it down. He's just... Not a girl. And it doesn't feel right.

    Then there's the fact that my parents definitely wouldn't be happy with me being a lesbian. I suppose I'm just still confused and trying to figure myself out.

    Arghhh, I'm just so upset about it all. My boyfriend is visiting me in England in July. I guess I'll hang on to him then and then... I don't know. I really just don't know what to do.

    Just needed to get that out and I suppose I'm looking for some advice. Thank you for listening.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun you are who you are and you cannot change that You need to be true to yourself and to your bf Let him know hun that you are just not comfortable being with a guy and that you care for him very much but it cannot be more then care it cannot be more t hen friendship That way hun he can move on ok Your parents in time will just have to accept who you are They will always love you hun no matter what Tell him now okay don't wait anylonger