Hi SF! I've got a bit of a problem... So.. I have a boyfriend. A lovely boyfriend who would do anything for me. However, there are a few problems on my end. First of all he lives halfway across the globe, 5000+ miles away. We see each other maybe once a year or even less. Secondly, when we do see each other, I feel very uncomfortable. And then most importantly..... I think I definitely prefer girls. I don't know what to do. I want to leave him. It's too difficult for me like this and I don't think I can take it for much longer. I feel so limited and stuck to my computer/phone because of him. But I know how much he cares about me and he'd be devastated if I left him. In fact, I'm worried he would kill himself. He has a very difficult family life, no money, and says that I'm the only thing in his life that he lives for. I would feel so selfish leaving him, and I really love him a lot and want him to be happy. Then again I feel like I shouldn't have to sacrifice my life to something I don't really want just to keep someone else happy - It's my life. I don't know. When he visits... Gahhh, it's like an overload of affection for me. I should enjoy it I suppose because I hardly get to see him but I don't. I just get terrified of physical contact and sort of clam up and get upset. I just can't enjoy my time with him. I feel terrible, but it all just isn't working out for me. Then I just... Like girls. I can't help it. I just do. I've talked to him about it a lot as well and have admitted to him that, I won't lie, I would love to be with a girl. He then asks me what it is he doesn't have, but I just can't pin it down. He's just... Not a girl. And it doesn't feel right. Then there's the fact that my parents definitely wouldn't be happy with me being a lesbian. I suppose I'm just still confused and trying to figure myself out. Arghhh, I'm just so upset about it all. My boyfriend is visiting me in England in July. I guess I'll hang on to him then and then... I don't know. I really just don't know what to do. Just needed to get that out and I suppose I'm looking for some advice. Thank you for listening.