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Confused And Lost

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I am lost beyond words, I've been in hospital since the new year and have been under-section(3) of the mental health act. After nearly 3months in hospital, I still have good plans to kill myself and today I told the doctors that I'm fine and I no longer feel suicidal, which they believed. Now I'm a free woman to through with my plans.
I've made plans xxxxxxxx and before I do that, I'm giving away and donating everything that I have which may be of value, to people and places that are significant to me. I've already given some stuff away.

But this is where I'm lost and it gets really confusing for me, my DEAR friend is trying everything in her power to try and get me into a private in-patient hospital; where people like "me" get a great treatment with 80% recovery. The problem is I'm not as enthusiastic about it as my friend is and I don't think the NHS will cover the cost as this is very expensive treatment.

I'm so determent killing myself but I worry I'm letting my friend down by going through with my plans.

I don't even know why I'm writing this. LOST AND HOPELESS
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Staff Alumni
Hi N...if you care that you will dissappoint your friend, you must care about him/her, and that s/he is someone who knows how you are feeling...can you first find out your in-patient options before you decide what you will do...the success rate you cited sounds very encouraging...what do you have to lose? I hope you stay safe and continue to share with us what is going on...there are so many of us that struggle with the issues you wrote...big hugs, J


Senior Member & Antiquities Friend
hi naomi its good you have a friend near you cherish them
i know why your hiding this from the docs 3 months is quite a while
wandering around and looking is horrible the lost not knowing your place in this world yeah i get that
but you do have a place,your friend obviously cares for you but is it enough to keep you alive,i hope so untill you get better

can you speak to your friend maybe they can stay with you a while now your free?
it sounds like you have a really good friend

could you tell your doctors that you lied to them?

if you can get to this great new hospital, maybe you could try it.

talking to your friend sounds good

trying to get better might be worthwhile even if your only reason would be to make your friend happy
Sorry it took long to get back to you guys, I didn't have Internet connection. Thank you for the replies, I really do appreciate your input.

I realise I'm very lucky to have friends who care about me, and I know my struggle pains them as much as it pains me. At the moment everyday that I'm alive is a blessing, and I'm still here. Being mindful of all that is going on in my life and surviving it, is my new mission. Without forgetting the philosophy "one step at a time."
In the past week I've had a great deal of support from people and it changed my state of mind for the better. Its having the patience and allowing yourself to have the time to heal that makes all the difference.

Thanks guys, heal slowly and heal well!x
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