Hi, This is my first post on this forum.. Im sorry if i posted this in the wrong place! I have anxiety and i used to have a fear of leaving the house, but i am over that now but still have abit of anxiety. I have been to the psych ward about 5 times for anxiety, to help me get back to school. - Is it wrong to LIKE the psych ward? I actually feel safe there. I think i need to go back but my mum is a nurse at the hospital, and she hates how they treated my situation as they thought i was stubborn. She said she would never ever let me go back there. I see a private psychologist and am not with CAMHS anymore (child and adolescent mental health services) I want to die, everything bad happens to me, not my friends who have perfect lives, everything bad happens to pretty much me. I have a low pain threshold and could probably never come to killing myself. I have cut before to ease pain, but the scars make me never want to do it again. Sorry if this post is abit random.. im just pretty confused. Also i think i hate my father. When it was time for me to go to the psych ward for the first time, i was so terrified and wouldnt budge, so my father literally tried to DRAG me downstairs to get to the car. i think i am traumatised by that because i can never ever EVER forgive him for that. Im so confused. I just want life back to the way it used to be. I was a fit, happy 15 year old with heaps of friends and i was bullied. Now i am slightly unfit, get bullied alot and only have like 2 circles of friends. One group from the school i just left afew days ago, and one group that are the nicest people ever that i actually met in the psych ward. Honestly, i think about hurting or killing myself alot. I have wanted to OD many times but my mum who i have a close relationship with would never forgive me and blame it on my best friend who is from the psych ward.