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Confused, angry, upset

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MoAnamCara, Sep 17, 2012.

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  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I don't know what is going on. Yes, there have been important dates to me today and the last couple of days also. Is that what has triggered my subconscious to go play games with me? I'm uber anxious. I don't feel like I'm here, which is odd to explain. Dissociation most likely. Being aware but not fully aware of what I'm doing, where I'm going or why.

    I'm having something similar to intrusive thoughts at night. They are disturbing images and thoughts.

    I feel like I can't breath, like I'm going to explode. Very wound up.

    I don't know what to do. I want to cry but I can't. I'm scared to start maybe. It seems im going backwards. I dont know anymore.
  2. Rainy

    Rainy Member

    Hi im new so don't really know what to say other than the ups and downs seem to be a way of life for us - like that is just a thing we have to grapple with and its very hard and to me seems so unfair. I guess that is why its important that we support each other no? Glad you are reaching out which is better than staying closed up in your own head - that is never a good thing. Well I think you are gone now but I'm around if you need to talk.
    I think you need to realize we ALL FEEL like we are going backwards but if you look at the big picture you will see that you have in fact gone forward. I say that cuz as a depressed person I know that I lose all perspective when hurting and well just please go easy on yourself and lean on whomever you can - whether you realize it or not right now you are needed so hang on and keep reaching out (((hugs)))~Rainy
  3. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist


    I honestly appreciate your response. But I am not needed, at all. And I have sunken some. It just FEELS like too much. And I am alone and that hurts to realize that. And I know that some people here do truly care and that is nice but who is there day in and day out? Who do I talk to? Who can I call and shoot the breeze with just for som ehuman interaction? It's funny in a wierd way, work and other business people think I have it all sewn up, all sorted, all together. If they only knew how far from the truth that is. I don't think I can do this and by this I mean where I am. I've lost my soulmate, six months today. I feel so empty and without motivation. I mean, really, what's the point??? Something isn't right with me, I'm on edge and feel uncomfortable. And all I can say to all of that crap is SO WHAT?
  4. Andy auriopolas

    Andy auriopolas New Member

    i can understand a great deal of what you are going through ..i am way too anxious right now and i dont know how to get out of it ,,What might help is if you think about how you would treat yourself if you were youre own doctor ,,i dont mean self medication ..i mean how would you care for yourself . For example , right now i need to go off the internet , take a nice walk , breath some fresh air and refuse to allow negative thoughts to consume me ,, What i am worried about is to just going to have to wait for the next 24 hours ,,i need to calm down ..i think when i come back from my walk im going to listen to some soft music and do some light reading ..Sometimes we need to be our own best friend ,,Regardless of how anxious we are we need to be that caregiver for ourselves ,,
  5. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Good for you Andy. It's 2 am here and though I've been sitting outside I wouldn't go walking right now. I've tried other things, both healthy and not healthy. Am in this negative whirlwind. Am tired but can't sleep. Once I close my eyes the images come, no matter how I try to distract . I wish so much there were an easy way out
  6. Rainy

    Rainy Member

    hello again and sorry to hear you are still feeling down :( that totally sucks but frankly hearing all that you are grappleing with I see why-its a lot for any person.
    I have to say I really relate to what you say about nobody around for the day to day...I am the same situation here. I know isolation is one of the side effects if you will of our disease depression and lack of sleep compounds this terribly. Do you have a doctor you can go to and tell of this problem? YOu really must find one as lack of sleep just clouds your thoughts even more-trust me i know this all to well.
    As far as an everyday person to talk to im around-i know that aint much but I am a good listener and well having dealt with depression for so long I think maybe I could be supportive..maybe untill you find someone in real life at least? think about it.
    it is so hard these days to make real friends so you just have to piece together the support where you can and hell use people if you have to..anythin then taking it out on yourself I say.
    And remember there never is an easy way out.
  7. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thanks rainy. I know how it feels to be used and I just couldn't do that to others. I appreciate your response, don't worry.

    Take care.
  8. Rainy

    Rainy Member

    Man did i mess up! :huh: I meant "used" like lean on them for support and don't worry about giving back just right at this moment.
    One thing I have noticed is we depressive types are givers and tend not to be able to ask or help so I was trying to convey that you need to put yourself first in a way.
    Let me ask you this if someone in a really bad place asked YOU for support for a bit wouldn't you give it? I bet you would so that is why I say "used" when I guess what would have been a better word was "reach out"/ "lean on" that sort of thing.
    My bad and Im terribly sorry because yes using someone is not a nice thing at all and leads to more guilt and problems
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