Confused, like the name says

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by confusedandblue, Aug 21, 2007.

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  1. confusedandblue

    confusedandblue New Member

    I've been having suicidal thoughts for months now, maybe a year, and I don't know what to do about it. I know the standard, and probably good, advice is to "talk to someone," but if I talk to someone then it's just a cry for help and I'm not serious about it. That's how I feel anyway.

    I just don't see my life improving, at all. I've been in love with someone I can't have for the past 11 years, my job is unfulfilling, my marriage is stagnant and boring. I don't see the next one, ten, twenty years as being anything to look forward to. Yes, there could be a corner to turn, and yes, things might get better, but I don't have hope anymore. I don't feel that I'm contributing to society at all.

    The main reason I hesitate is because of my family. Both of my parents, who love me, are still alive and it would kill them if I died, esp by my own hand. I don't see how I could possibly do that to them. I keep telling myself that after they are gone, I'll be free to do as I choose, but in the meantime I'm miserable.

    My more reasonable plan is to divorce and move elsewhere, so at least I might find a new start and I'd have to deal with change instead of being stuck, but I still don't think I'll be happy. I don't hate life, I just hate *my* life.
     
  2. Cat2007

    Cat2007 Member

    Sometimes I think of moving and starting over. I guess if you don't go to counseling then eventually you might repeat the same patterns, but in the short-term maybe a change of scene is good? I wonder if anyone here has done that and if it helped...
     
  3. confusedandblue

    confusedandblue New Member

    Actually, I have sort of done it before. Things weren't going very well in my life so I saved my money, picked up, and moved across the country. Suddenly I had a huge challenge in front of me and I had to do what I could. It kind of worked.
     
  4. Cat2007

    Cat2007 Member

    Right! The challenge distracted you. I guess that's why it's a good idea to still get counseling. I'm sorry you are going through stuff. I am too. Relationships are really hard, and harder for some than for others. I am considering never having one again, but don't know if that's even possible. I will talk to my doctor about it.

    Are you in therapy? A lot of times I don't want to go, but I am always glad I did.
     
  5. confusedandblue

    confusedandblue New Member

    Yeah, I hear you about relationships being hard, too hard sometimes. I wish I could just give up with this person but I think I'm addicted.

    No, I'm not in therapy. I don't think it's for me - usually I will just talk to friends about stuff but suicide would be too heavy for them. And I feel like I know exactly what a therapist would tell me (stop having the affair, get couples' counseling, etc.) so why waste my time and money?
     
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