1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Confused, like the name says

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by confusedandblue, Aug 21, 2007.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. confusedandblue

    confusedandblue New Member

    I've been having suicidal thoughts for months now, maybe a year, and I don't know what to do about it. I know the standard, and probably good, advice is to "talk to someone," but if I talk to someone then it's just a cry for help and I'm not serious about it. That's how I feel anyway.

    I just don't see my life improving, at all. I've been in love with someone I can't have for the past 11 years, my job is unfulfilling, my marriage is stagnant and boring. I don't see the next one, ten, twenty years as being anything to look forward to. Yes, there could be a corner to turn, and yes, things might get better, but I don't have hope anymore. I don't feel that I'm contributing to society at all.

    The main reason I hesitate is because of my family. Both of my parents, who love me, are still alive and it would kill them if I died, esp by my own hand. I don't see how I could possibly do that to them. I keep telling myself that after they are gone, I'll be free to do as I choose, but in the meantime I'm miserable.

    My more reasonable plan is to divorce and move elsewhere, so at least I might find a new start and I'd have to deal with change instead of being stuck, but I still don't think I'll be happy. I don't hate life, I just hate *my* life.
     
  2. Cat2007

    Cat2007 Member

    Sometimes I think of moving and starting over. I guess if you don't go to counseling then eventually you might repeat the same patterns, but in the short-term maybe a change of scene is good? I wonder if anyone here has done that and if it helped...
     
  3. confusedandblue

    confusedandblue New Member

    Actually, I have sort of done it before. Things weren't going very well in my life so I saved my money, picked up, and moved across the country. Suddenly I had a huge challenge in front of me and I had to do what I could. It kind of worked.
     
  4. Cat2007

    Cat2007 Member

    Right! The challenge distracted you. I guess that's why it's a good idea to still get counseling. I'm sorry you are going through stuff. I am too. Relationships are really hard, and harder for some than for others. I am considering never having one again, but don't know if that's even possible. I will talk to my doctor about it.

    Are you in therapy? A lot of times I don't want to go, but I am always glad I did.
     
  5. confusedandblue

    confusedandblue New Member

    Yeah, I hear you about relationships being hard, too hard sometimes. I wish I could just give up with this person but I think I'm addicted.

    No, I'm not in therapy. I don't think it's for me - usually I will just talk to friends about stuff but suicide would be too heavy for them. And I feel like I know exactly what a therapist would tell me (stop having the affair, get couples' counseling, etc.) so why waste my time and money?
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.