Confused on which way to do it?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by datguy, Dec 29, 2013.

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  1. datguy

    datguy Active Member

    Part of my extreme depression and suicide thoughts are how others treat each other in this world! I feel bad for the people that will find me! I still have that much of a heart barely left over! I have two ways that are a for sure deal it Is just messy .. Should I care? I am sure people will say yes definitely .. But they can go on with there lives and I will be free. Cops have there jobs for reasons like this and have training and have access to proper mental health help if needed ! I am sorry for anyone that would be effected but the peace and quiet my mind will feel finally is worth it in my mind..
  2. meme333

    meme333 Well-Known Member

    just don't because you won't be free. you'll just be dead. I get it. I'm there myself.
    And ya, they would go on. Some could be traumatized. You can't train out trauma...Trauma is trauma.
    But it's not about anyone else. It's about you. you deserve to be here as much as anyone else.
    Is there something you can do? Anything at all that will make you feel good? I say just do it if you can...forget about the cost if you have credit or anything.
    If you are here in this moment that just live that moment.
    Should practice what I preach but really, I just think to myself that if I plan on killing myself why not just do anything I want.

    I don't want you to do anything. People will get hurt ya, if you have people. But you will hurt and that's what matters...
  3. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    If it is "messy" or not, anyone, be it family, friends or complete strangers will be affected by your death, regardless of even how you view the World. That you even still wonder if you should care when or if the times arrives, tells me, at least, that whatever you might think, you still do care, even if you do not feel it. As for which way, you will not get any answers on this site, I am quite pleased to know, and should anyone give you any ideas on methods, surely are on this site for the wrong purpose.
    That is all.
  4. datguy

    datguy Active Member

    Thank you for posting I just feel bad about how it will effect others ! My immediate family that loves me and I love them know I struggle everyday with things that my mind won't let go of. They would understand I am at peace and and might be upset but understand.
    I have to do something cause the anxiety and shacking was never me when I was happy years ago! I have been upset for years and tried everything to get better . Even things I would never believe could possibly help but might be worth a try I did it! That's why it's clear to go! I am calm about it and that's what makes me know its time.
    I looked at my old posts in here and it assures this is what I truely want.. I don't want to make myself sound crazy cause I am a calm person in society and have a good full time job and would never hurt anyone else . However it was when I first started posting on here to try and understand what was going on in my head on here that I <Mod Edit:Graphic> march 31 for relief of the mental pain and loses , it would be a constant reminder not to waste life letting people use me and lose any thing again. I still look back and wonder how I was that mentally confused . However I am again and my past proves to me I can do it..
    Sorry for the long post but its nice to talk and explain when you can't do that with friends or family or they just call cops which do nothing but hassle you ..
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 30, 2013
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi friend i am sorry the beast has you again. dam depression you are calm because that is a stage of deep depression hun so your mind is not clear it is still seeing through eyes of sadness and dispair. Your family hun will not understand ok i wish i could get people to see that. We live with guilt and sadness we do not understand we get angry and wonder what we could have done more to help. Can hun you honestly tell me you have tried every antidepressant some people it does take years to find right combination of meds and also more therapy is out there I know your tired dam it i get that i do that is when you say f it and get yourself into hospital and stay there to rest your mind to stay safe to get the right treatment in place ok,

    You have fought through before you have and you can again hun hell i am fighting still Just the knowledge of being on that other side of losing someone keeps me here I understand there is no moving on when one loses someone to suicide there just is no moving on

    Please keep safe do whatever you can to keep yourself safe until the hold of this beast is lesson some ok hugs
  6. datguy

    datguy Active Member

    I have tried everything ! That's why I was able to deal with it since 2011
    After I lost my finger I got good help from the hospital and I found an amazing family doctor that has tried to help with different meds and never judges me ! I just seem to crash hard once a year and when I crash I don't care about anything . This time i realize the zombie routine I go through worse then ever and Im not getting any younger. I have been blessed with a good past and been lucky enough to experience things many never will.
    As much as I have tried to get a routine in the past two years I will just never get the old happy me back. I would rather be remembered for those days then some guy that's been a mess for the later part if his life. I know I can do this! I would have tonight but my ex gf stop by to visit with some of our mutual friends the other night and she got the flu so bad through the night i didn't want her to drive home after puking and cold sweets so she is still here trying to sleep it off while I take care of her.. Kinda buggered up my plans..
    And that's the thing I have people that do care for around me and I still don't want to be here.. Wouldn't want them to get confused or hurt by my depression .
  7. ronnymarie

    ronnymarie Guest

    It sounds like you have people in your life that you truly care about, and who care about you. That isn’t always enough to keep us going, but it doesn’t hurt.

    As much as you have tried different thing to feel better, there still may be something out there that you have missed. Have you tried alternative meds? Herbs, etc? How about spirituality?

    And don’t rule out that every day new meds, new treatments, etc., are being discovered. You may end your life, when something comes out several months later that might have helped you. Death is forever, and we’re all going to die someday anyway, so why not hang around a bit longer, just to see if something changes?
  8. meme333

    meme333 Well-Known Member

    If you have people that care focus on that. If that's what keeps you from doing something to yourself then keep thinking about those people that love you.
    I know depression can take over even when you know you are loved. But you truly are fortunate. I have reason.
    Guard those reasons close to do have reason....
  9. datguy

    datguy Active Member

    I do like the line to try and change cause at least there is that chance and it can't get any worse then death. I have tried as hard as I want to I know I won't get back the life I have slowly destroyed through this depression .if I would have been a man enough to go ask for help when I was younger I think things would have been alright. That's one thing I wish for the younger people on here is to know they need to get the strength to love themselves to go and get help or life will tumble to far down to get back up.
    As for me I missed that chance I never thought of something as simple as sites to chat on like this with supportive people and good ideas..
    If you knew a man had been caught and was being tortured every day and tried everything to get away from it wouldn't you wish him to pass on in peace and not need to suffer?
    Obviously not the same as my situation but close to how I feel..
  10. meme333

    meme333 Well-Known Member

    I understand the torment. I understand the analogy. I want to get away from the pain too and I tell my doc the same thing you just said. Why do you want me to suffer. I'm told" I want you to get better"...Not so simple is it.

    still thinking about you and understanding
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