Confused...please help, anyone :(

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Anju, Jan 2, 2009.

  1. Anju

    Anju Well-Known Member

    I'm not going into alot of detail here, don't feel like I should be too specific... Basically what I want to know is how any of you would react in this sort of situation, I've confused myself beyond all belief...

    Imagine you are in a happy, settled relationship. It has it's flaws and they often get to you, but they are serious about you, so serious they have proposed to you. You like the security, you love them.

    But there is the dreaded 'someone else'. This someone happens to live in another country (one that is only a couple of hours by boat orl ess by plane), and you see them a few times a year, usually holidays. You do however have regular msn and phone contact. This person was your first true love, you'd never felt anything like it before, but it wouldn't have worked out and so you 'moved on'.

    Now, the person you are do love, you don't want to lose, you have already lost once... and you thought you loved them more than the other person. However, upon meeting with the other person after a long time come home crying after having left them in the knowledge that it could be the last time you ever see them. You realise you still love them more than words can describe. You love them more than you ever did before. You also realise they may not be anywhere near as dedicated as the one you are currently with, they may not want a serious relationship at all, but you do love them alot more. So much more it can be called unconditional love, perhaps even moving into obssesion. You may never be happy knowing you are not with them.

    So tell me, what would you do? Stay with the one who assures you they are there for good and reinforces this with their actions, or take a risk and go for the one you truely love, possibly losing both of them when really you want to lose neither...

    Please help, this is killing me :( I don't know what to do....
  2. DrowningInTears

    DrowningInTears Well-Known Member

    i dont know how to help as ive never had a realationship, just try not to hurt anyones feelings, what a difficult situation :(
  3. Anju

    Anju Well-Known Member

    Yeah that's what worries me here...:(
  4. DrowningInTears

    DrowningInTears Well-Known Member

    i dont know how to reach out to the other without upsetting the one :(
  5. Anju

    Anju Well-Known Member

    I'm not sure there is a way :( eventually one will get hurt...that's how all of my scenarios work out...
  6. mourningseraph

    mourningseraph Well-Known Member

    I would suggest following your heart. I think that if you don't love the one you're with as much as the other person (yet you stay with them or even marry them) and then they find out, that will hurt worse. I married a guy who was in love with someone else at the time but he didn't tell me. After we were married I found out becuase he had an affair with her. If he would have called off the engagement I woud have been broken hearted. But then I would have moved on and found someone who felt the same about me as I did them. Because he did that I don't trust ANY guys any more and now I have no desire to ever date anyone. I just think it would be fair to him if you told him the truth. I wish you the BEST of luck!! Let us know how it goes and if you need anymore advice. :hug:
  7. Anju

    Anju Well-Known Member

    Thanks mourningseraph...honesty is the best policy and all that eh :unsure:
  8. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    Tough one Sara. I'd say you have to ask yourself what you really want. I've always tried to follow my heart but then again I always seem to end in a mess whenever I'm in a relationship. Hope things work out well for you. :hug:
  9. Anju

    Anju Well-Known Member

    Today in English, something came up about how Cathy (wurthering heights) married Edgar out of duty, rather than following her heart...but another point was made about how people always want what they can't have....I can easily apply both theorys to this...:(
  10. cinZamurai

    cinZamurai Well-Known Member

    "Is the grass greener on the other side?" I dont know but it seems you have to be honest and see if you love this guy you are with or just have him for comfort.

    If you do love him deeply and sincere then show him the same commitment as he does to you and if you donĀ“t love him deeply and sincere tell him that and brake up before you start getting serious with another person.

    I would not talk about this to him if you plan to stay with him. It just hurts him for no reason at all.

    The very stormy strong feelings of falling in love fades of in time, some go from relation to relation searching for this high. Be mindful about this. But at the same time if you have no real feelings for your bf you should let him go.

    thats my two :twocents: anyway.

    I wish you the best of luck ! :hug:
  11. Epical Taylz

    Epical Taylz Well-Known Member

    im going through the situation myself
    and ive gone through it countless times

    my advice, stay with the one who youre with
    if the other person is just going to fuck you over again
    than theres no sense in going back for them.

    good luck <3
  12. Anju

    Anju Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the replies guys, it's got me thinking more...:hug: