Confused :( Plz help...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by JMG, Apr 7, 2013.

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  1. JMG

    JMG Well-Known Member

    Hey everyone I really need some perspectives on my current situation with my bf because it is very upsetting and I just don't know what to do or think about it or anything. Basically we had been going out for a few months and things seemed pretty ok as far as I could tell, then a few weeks ago I didn't hear from him in ANY form for a whole week (had NEVER happened since we first started going out). I tried very hard not to be worried and to tell myself that it was probably just that he was busy (he is VERY busy a lot of the time) but it turns out I had good reason to be worried because when I finally did talk to him again he said he wasn't sure if he had feelings for me anymore. He basically said he didn't miss me and that he was feeling like maybe we weren't meant to be together.

    The thing I am confused about is that he claims that it is not from anything I did it is just how he feels and he doesn't know why. Does this seem believable? Has this EVER happened to anyone else out there, ever? I am directing that last question much more at women than at men because I know women are much more likely to do this kind of thing than men most of the time. I am feeling so upset and confused about this situation because I am missing the intimacy part of it so much especially I really feel like I need someone for that kind of connection right now and I feel so completely abandoned by him since like I said this just came out of the blue like 1 week we were close together and things were good like I said, then the next week, nothing?! It just feels so hurtful, devastating, upsetting and overwhelming to say the least.

    The other thing besides that is I am not sure whether I should wait to see whether his feelings change or not because he seems pretty uncertain about whether he's even making the right decision and I feel like I have said and done EVERYTHING I could think of to try to get him to give us a chance and all but I don't feel like it is being met with an equal effort. He seems to have quite a high level of fear when it comes to things and he admitted that he has a "fear of commitment" but the thing with that is I am NOT a demanding gf like that at all I never asked him any kind of "where is this going?" kinds of questions at all I am very laid back about that kind of thing overall. The most important thing to me in a lot of ways is that the physical part is good and by that I don't just mean looks I mean it more generally...rather not go into details and all but I'm sure you most likely know what I'm meaning. Anyway, if you were in my place (again I am meaning this question MUCH more to women than men) would you consider it better to just "wait" for the guy who may or may not change his mind, or would you consider that to be an unwise, unhealthy and/or desperate decision to make in this situation? I don't feel like I'm "desperate" or anything I just want to have faith and not give up on something esp. if it DOES have a chance of working out which it seems it might.
  2. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    You say "I don't feel like I'm desperate" yet posted your thread on the crisis forum.
    I'm so very sorry that the relationship that was so important to you has ended. That hurts. You are desperately seeking signs that it hasn't finished. I've been there too many, many times.
  3. JMG

    JMG Well-Known Member

    Ok I don't mean to be a jerk here or anything but omg I am sorry but that does not seem to be a very thoughtful reply to what I posted at all. I asked very specific questions in my post that I would like at least 1 person somewhere out there in this god awful, uncaring, thoughtless cold as hell world to actually answer as getting the perspective on it will help me a lot with dealing with this in some form. Why the heck has only 1 person replied in here?! I need help with this people I feel like I am losing my bloody mind why the heck doesn't anyone even care?!?!?!?!?!?!??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: PS- THE RELATIONSHIP IS NOT OVER AND I AM NOT DESPERATE HE IS JUST AFRAID THAT IS THE ONLY REASON HE IS DOING THIS WITHOUT THE FEAR WE WOULD STILL BE TOGETHER AND EVERYTHING WOULD BE FINE AND WE WILL BE THERE AGAIN I WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN I DON'T CARE WHAT I HAVE TO DO THIS CANNOT HAPPEN LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  4. skinnylove911

    skinnylove911 Well-Known Member

    jmg are you at the point where because of your problems with boyfriend that you are thinking about ending it and its kind of get help/seek advice or do it?
    Just wondering x
  5. JMG

    JMG Well-Known Member

    Hey skinnylove thank you for replying and don't worry it never seems to matter how much I "want" to be dead in some ways because without being able to ever KNOW what happens when you die and whether it will be BETTER than being here I do not have the guts to ever do it anyway. I've read books on how people are able to get the guts to be able to do it and ya I am way too much of a wimp in terms of physical pain and don't think I could even put myself through what people who DO go through with it do I don't feel that is really a good thing, esp. right now since in some ways I am feeling even MORE defeated right now than I was when I first posted this topic (just feeling very hopeless in general about EVER finding a man on this planet who will truly love me and keep loving me forever) but anyway this has gotten so few replies anyway I don't understand why but I do feel I need some advice from people very badly so I still consider how I'm feeling these days to be a crisis which is why I posted this in here. The desperation I feel is in needing the advice and feedback from others so badly so I don't know why more people won't reply in here and try to help. The emotional and mental suffering is the most extreme it has ever been for me right now I can definitely say that much with complete certainty. I can't imagine it ever being any worse than this :(
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