S
But never finding the answers.
I find it pathetic that i think my life is so bad, come to think of it, i think i deserve everything ive got, i really do..:unsure:
But, im just wondering..
Why is it, when you're so determinded to kill yourself, it takes so many times to succeed... with the amount of times ive overdosed, you'd think id be underground by now, incorrect, im not, and im wondering if its because i dont deserve to die? If its because.. im meant to live.. I mean, i took a lethal dosage of paracetamol, and it did nothing to me.. i find it hard to believe, someone else would've probably died but i didnt.. im sick of not succeeding.. if i find any sort of tablets again, especially thats powerful, ill save up.. surely, just surely, i cant fail next time..
Poem;
No matter how many I swollow,
I fail,
no matter what I do,
I loose.
No matter how hard I try,
I fall down,
no matter how destined to be,
my fate somehow disappears and just.. leaves.
No matter what,
I will always be a failure,
no matter how long i have to wait,
I will save, and save..
and i will slowly...
ever so slowly,
fade away...
:sad:
Confused-
Because a few months ago my father said he wanted nothing to do with me, that he hates me, that im not his daughter.. a few days ago, he told me he loves me, that im his daughter and we both say things we dont mean in the heat of the moment... that he wants me to come and live with him.. im just scared because of what hes done.. Im scared to say 'no', im scared to say anything to him.. i always back down to him and put my hopes on the line, and think.. 'hes my daddy again'.. but he never is in the end.. :mellow:
And boys.. Jeez, i hate love, i hate it so much.. id rather be dead than live with this stabbed heart..:blink:
Scared-
Because im scared of whatll happen soon..
Hurt-
You've no idea how hurt i feel at the moment, last night i cried so hard i felt dizzy and sick..
*sigh*
At the moment, im just waiting for that one thing.. then im done..:sad:
I find it pathetic that i think my life is so bad, come to think of it, i think i deserve everything ive got, i really do..:unsure:
But, im just wondering..
Why is it, when you're so determinded to kill yourself, it takes so many times to succeed... with the amount of times ive overdosed, you'd think id be underground by now, incorrect, im not, and im wondering if its because i dont deserve to die? If its because.. im meant to live.. I mean, i took a lethal dosage of paracetamol, and it did nothing to me.. i find it hard to believe, someone else would've probably died but i didnt.. im sick of not succeeding.. if i find any sort of tablets again, especially thats powerful, ill save up.. surely, just surely, i cant fail next time..
Poem;
No matter how many I swollow,
I fail,
no matter what I do,
I loose.
No matter how hard I try,
I fall down,
no matter how destined to be,
my fate somehow disappears and just.. leaves.
No matter what,
I will always be a failure,
no matter how long i have to wait,
I will save, and save..
and i will slowly...
ever so slowly,
fade away...
:sad:
Confused-
Because a few months ago my father said he wanted nothing to do with me, that he hates me, that im not his daughter.. a few days ago, he told me he loves me, that im his daughter and we both say things we dont mean in the heat of the moment... that he wants me to come and live with him.. im just scared because of what hes done.. Im scared to say 'no', im scared to say anything to him.. i always back down to him and put my hopes on the line, and think.. 'hes my daddy again'.. but he never is in the end.. :mellow:
And boys.. Jeez, i hate love, i hate it so much.. id rather be dead than live with this stabbed heart..:blink:
Scared-
Because im scared of whatll happen soon..
Hurt-
You've no idea how hurt i feel at the moment, last night i cried so hard i felt dizzy and sick..
*sigh*
At the moment, im just waiting for that one thing.. then im done..:sad: