Confused, Upset, wanna die

[rachypooh]

I want to die..... just to get away from the debt, the voices, the alters, the depression, the mess i live in.
I'm engaged to a really nice guy and he doesnt understand that i get this low which makes me feel even worse. I feel so guilty for being like this.
i have a bag full of pills, and i am so tempted to take them.
I want to self harm but know that if i turn to that again i could get in serious trouble.

the only thing keeping me going is Tyler, my nephew.

this just doesnt make any sense

sorry

 

[kidinpain]

dont take pills its terrible and think about tyler keep hold of your life cus of him/her how would he/her feel if u were to let go off life it isnt nice seeing somone you love to die

 

[sadsong]

hi there, you just reminded me exactly of myself.

I too am engaged to a really lovely guy who i absolutely adore, but he also sometimes struggles with why i get depressed. He takes a lot of the blame on himself and then sometimes hides things from me to try and stop me feeling crap or triggering me. I then just feel so shit, wishing i could feel happy and wishing i could stop him feeling guilty.

I'm also in the same situation as you with self harm, wishing i could really just do it, but knowing at the same time i don't want to do it and would hate myself so much for it.

What i'm trying to get at is that you are not alone. I know how tough it is, i know how hard it is to keep on going. But what i try to do to help is focus on the good things. There is a man that loves you, even if he struggles, he still loves you. You have a gorgeous nephew who obviously gives you so much joy, try and spend some time with him.

Please feel free to pm if you want to chat.
Keep on fighting.
Lizzy. xxx

 

[sarahtisky]

Don't do it okay. Think about your nephew, your man, your family! You have a purpose in life! Don't do this everything will be okay. You know I just did a Walk To End Breast Cancer. There are people suffering out there with disease's who don't want to die, it's so sad seeing people who have a computer, a home, food, health, and safety...but don't want to live. Think about all the people who have no home, have no food. It's not fair! Please keep your life. If it's him who's making you depressed leave him, he's not worth it. Think about what's making you like this...and fix it. Everything will fit together and try to forget about it and enjoy life. It's so full of genuine, amazing, wonderful things. :wub:

 

[TheBLA]

I know really that you don't want to die, you just want everything to get better, thats how we all feel really. Most of us when we say we want to die really don't want to die but see it as our only way out, right now I feel as though suicide is my only way out even though it really probably isn't.

 

[ace]

rachy it can be quite frustrating and upsetting when people or someone in particular don't understand our depression.On one hand the reality is of course they don't understand how difficult it is for us,the other they see thing's through their eyes and it relate's alot to ignorance that you look fine you have everything so what is the problem.
I've heard all the comment's i.e you don't have a physical illness you have everything,yet like my Dr say's if it was so easy like flicking a switch and feeling better why wouldn't we do it?Everyone's pain is different and it is impossible for someone to understand your exact pain as they don't walk in your shoes live in your body.
Especially as you're feeling very depressed thing's don't make any sense and nothing seem's worth it I fully understand what you're saying and how you feel.Everything is easier said than done of course this doesn't mean it's impossible but it's also no quick fix,nothing is solved just like that suffering from depression is'nt enjoyable of course and because you may look fine on the outside doesn't mean you aren't going through so much pain internally and mentally.For people who have never suffered from depression for e.g it's impossible to know the pain it causes one,some do have a good understanding from seeing the pain it has on the sufferer yet don't fully understand and know what the real heartache one goes through.

 

[xparisx]

Please, please do not take the pills.
When your feeling tempted, use the last of your self control to rid yourself of anything you could use to kill yourself.
Tell someone what’s going on, or a therapist so you have someone looking out for you.
You may be tempted but the fact that you've procrastinated holds the answer; it’s not your time to go.
Hold on for your nephew.

~Paris

 

[Forgotten_Man]

Hmmm.... well that is the way some of us feel. Sometimes I think that people don't always realize the way we are because they don't want to see it.

But since you have something keeping you going just lean on that til it goes away.

 

[rachypooh]

I caved in to self harm, but it was no where near as bad as it has been. i confided in my adopted mum and because i told her i was still bleeding she rang the ambulance on me, and the police also turned up. I had to prove to them that i didnt do anything serious and i also chose to hand over a heap of unecessary pills i had in my place.
I saw my doctor this afternoon, but unfortunately i cant get in to see anyone at mental health because they dont have any workers left. I am so frustrated with the system here.