For the last four years, I have felt so stuck and hopeless when it comes to my life. One of the very few bright spots was this girl on youtube. I don't know...somehow I developed an internet crush on her. It wasn't anything serious like I obsessed over her or anything, there were just things I admired about her. Besides, she lives up in Canada...and has a boyfriend. I tried to tell myself I wasn't jealous....I mean why would I be? But in a way, I kind of am....I'm just not sure why. In some weird way, she was the first girl I kind of sort of liked after being rejected by another girl in college a few months before I first came across her youtube channel. It's hard and embarrasing to explain, but I wish I didn't feel this way on top of so much pain from other things in my life. Sorry if this doesn't make sense or sounds weird.