Confused

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Bailey, Dec 15, 2013.

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  1. Bailey

    Bailey New Member

    I'm not sure if my suicidal feelings are real or I really just need to calm down. My feelings are all so contradictory. I sometimes think things will be ok, will just get better, other times I want to just die cos I've been depressed all my life and can't see anything ever improving. It's really hard to know what to. I have tried a few times- doctors just ignore me. Maybe I am just reacting to the situation. I'm currently undergoing psychotherapy but I don't know if I'm inventing problems in my head- I'm not really that bad, I just think I am? It's not like anything really bads happened in my life- just a series of little instances that have accumulated into one bad everlasting episode of depression. My life is off track at the moment but I don't know how to get it back on track or move it along. Or even if I care enough to do something about it. Am I such a bad person that no one wants to help or just totally beyond help- a fundamentally flawed individual that really shouldn't have seen the light at all and end this misery now? Problem is I'm so self destructive now- just neglecting a couple of things that are turning serious - that my choices are becoming ever smaller.
     
  2. Alonenlonely

    Alonenlonely Active Member

    Bailey, I feel your pain. I was off and on with my feelings once too. Lately its been more suicidal though. I hope that you get to feeling better. I do not like feeling the way I do and I do not like thinking that anyone feels the pain that I am feeling. It is awful and hard to hide it from everyone. Sometimes I just want to scream and tell the world that I am suffering and to please help me. Other times, I just want to be away from everyone and keep my feelings to myself. I have become self destructive as well because I just don't seem to care about things the way I used to. I wish you well and if you would like to talk, feel free to message me, I could use the conversation and would like talking to someone who understands how it feels to feel the way that I do.
     
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