Ive never spoken to anybody about this so Im not sure how well itll be conveyed. Ive felt like this for around 10 years, Im currently 23. Im Lonely, so lonely it hurts. I have plenty of friends but at the same time none if that makes sense. I could easily not speak to any of them again and not feel like im missing out. When Im around people I just want to be left alone. Back in my room, the only place i really feel safe. But then I get lonely. Its been this way since my early teens. I need people but push them away because im not good enough. I struggle to talk to people, not in a literal sense I just have nothing of interest to say to anyone. Its the same with girls. Every now and then a girl will show interest but Ill make sure to kill anything before it starts. Its only take a few hours for them to realize im not who i portray to be. Im flat broke so I cant take them anywhere and in the past ten years ive never found anyone i can just be myself around. Im exhausted constantly trying to be this happy loving friendly guy when inside im constantly trembling scared that at any moment ill let my guard down, say the wrong thing and lose everything. I feel like im not compatible with anyone. If this were a game id have restarted long ago and rebuilt. It feels like this characters fucked up too much to even get past the easy levels. But this isnt a game and i know if i give up then what little potential i had for a good life will be eradicated. So im stuck. Im too underleveled to move on but my rooms slowly getting smaller and smaller, its getting worse and worse and i need to do something before its too late. I feel like its already too late and im just bringing the people around me down by delaying the inevitable.