confused

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MotionCity, Dec 19, 2013.

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  1. MotionCity

    MotionCity New Member

    Ive never spoken to anybody about this so Im not sure how well itll be conveyed.

    Ive felt like this for around 10 years, Im currently 23.

    Im Lonely, so lonely it hurts. I have plenty of friends but at the same time none if that makes sense. I could easily not speak to any of them again and not feel like im missing out. When Im around people I just want to be left alone. Back in my room, the only place i really feel safe. But then I get lonely. Its been this way since my early teens. I need people but push them away because im not good enough. I struggle to talk to people, not in a literal sense I just have nothing of interest to say to anyone.

    Its the same with girls. Every now and then a girl will show interest but Ill make sure to kill anything before it starts. Its only take a few hours for them to realize im not who i portray to be. Im flat broke so I cant take them anywhere and in the past ten years ive never found anyone i can just be myself around. Im exhausted constantly trying to be this happy loving friendly guy when inside im constantly trembling scared that at any moment ill let my guard down, say the wrong thing and lose everything.

    I feel like im not compatible with anyone. If this were a game id have restarted long ago and rebuilt. It feels like this characters fucked up too much to even get past the easy levels. But this isnt a game and i know if i give up then what little potential i had for a good life will be eradicated. So im stuck. Im too underleveled to move on but my rooms slowly getting smaller and smaller, its getting worse and worse and i need to do something before its too late. I feel like its already too late and im just bringing the people around me down by delaying the inevitable.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are 23 hun still time lots of time to get help in place talk to doctor get assessed and see what therapy or med can do for you ok No need to live another 10 yrs feeling the way you do not when there is help out there Be kind to you ok call your doctor and tell doc how you are feeling and get some help
     
  3. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    MotionCity, you wrote:

    Im Lonely, so lonely it hurts. I have plenty of friends but at the same time none if that makes sense. I could easily not speak to any of them again and not feel like im missing out. When Im around people I just want to be left alone. Back in my room, the only place i really feel safe. But then I get lonely. Its been this way since my early teens. I need people but push them away because im not good enough. I struggle to talk to people, not in a literal sense I just have nothing of interest to say to anyone.

    I, too, am feeling very lonely and I hurt and cry about being so alone and lonely. I may have some support, but I don't make an effort to reach out to people for support except here. I have social anxiety so I can't hang out with a bunch of people, whether I know them or not. I feel so awkward and want their attention, but I always end up being ignored or unheard. I push away potential connections for friendship because I don't really know if they'll like me or I would like them. I feel safer in my own little apartment all by myself and I can do anything I want, such as cry or be depressed and no one will know how I really feel. I feel rejection from others but I also reject others from reaching out to me. I don't seem interested to socialize but yet I feel lonely. I like this forum because it is anonymous. If you want to reply, at least I am not expected to be buddies, and I don't really want to make friends. However, I can contradict myself because I really am dying for attention, but terrified of it.
     
  4. lonley_girl67

    lonley_girl67 New Member

    Sounds like me but i have no friends. I wouldnt even know what to say. I would rather stay in my own bubble but it gets too lonley. I dont want to be alone but i dot really know anything else. Im too shy to do anything anyways. I guess im just too scared of being hurt or rejectd
     
  5. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    Wise words. Be kind to yourself. Seek help earnestly. Never give up hope. Because giving up hope is never as freeing as you think it's going to be. When you say, "why bother?" It's not like all that shit just goes away, it only gets worse. And you just fall deeper and deeper into hell. Ask for help in climbing out now because it's the only thing there is to do.
     
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