I have always found a way to find answers all my life though it has been a rough one. Been always able to find work and friends -very few- and things to do. I turned 60 on the 5th of May, have been out of work since January. No one in my life for over 20 years and friends ether moving on or away. Making new ones has been anything but. My only friend is my cat whom I trust and love more than most people. My bank account is almost gone now and finding work has become desperate. Doing jobs I profoundly hate but do it to keep the lights on and food on the table. But now once again unemployed, a bad back, can’t seen to recall things like I use to and I seem to be suffering from something called dyscalculia. I’m tired of trying, tired of being knocked down and getting back up to be knocked down again. I’m tired of working but not out of being lazy I’m just tired of having to make that damn green stuff just to be something. I held off on unemployment help thinking I could do this myself but after realizing that it was not that easy I got assistance. But that is gone now, savings is gone and checking about there. I’m a good person, have always believed in the old fashions ideals of life. Yes there are people in this world far worse off than me I get it. But I want to be one far less with MY situation. I don’t tell the free clinics doctors about my depression because it becomes record though privacy laws are supposed to keep it sealed one knows that even the slightest hint of my feeling could get me committed or forever blocked in getting any work again. And now I am rewarded with grief, anger, age and no work. I have applied for so many jobs some I know I couldn't really do but did it anyway. I am I too old to work to young to retire? The only thing that keeps me from going to a hotel room and calling it quits is what little bit of fear of God I have left and my dear little furkid -cat-. Absurd? Strange? Maybe but its how I feel. I’m tired of the whole thing at the moment. All these feelings, so confused and see no answers but one. And it’s becoming more evident in my thoughts every day.