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First off, I feel somewhat odd posting this, but sadly have no one in my life I feel like I can talk to about this. So Im gonna talk about it to a bunch of strangers over the internet. I dont know how to start off but Im just gonna say that I am completely fed up with life. Why? because its such a big dead end...at least for me. Im 19 graduated at 17, planned out big things for myself. I planned to be at least in college now. You see I went through a lot of BS in highschool and a scholarship (not a big one, but it was certainly needed) slipped out of my hand by literally .3 points. Ok so I still went to college out of my pocket, a girl i cared for moved aways blah blah blah in short bad things happened. I never drank in highschool or anything..but i figured you know what the hell..i need to have a good time at least sometime. I start to fall off in college and basically wasted money my first year. I learned my lesson and went back and was on top of everything. I was doing great in school then i got sick and had to drop out. In the time that I was sick..I started having extremely suicidal thoughts cause i felt like I would always be stuck in one place. I have a skin disorder called eczema..im sure many of you have heard of it at some point, well, usually people grow out of this thing...for me..it has only gotten worse, so bad to the point where my hands looked like they have been sand papered...i hide my hands from myself just so i dont have to look at them. Thats very depressing for me. So you see..while I was sick...i remember laying in bed..barely having the desire to move and i got up and went to grab a bunch of pills and just took whatever we had down my throat. Then I got sleepy and later woke up and my chest felt like it was caving in. Whenever i would breathe in..the pain was terrible. After that I would just think about suicide and not actually try it...cause that did nothing but hurt a lot. There is a lot in between the spaces i just havent explained entirely and i dont wanna make this into more of a book. But i do have one question...what do you do when you honestly have no desire to live? All i do now is sleep all day..wake up and play games..eat...go back to sleep. I dont even have a job now. I feel like such a waste of space...comments will be appreciated. Thanks.


Staff Alumni
Firstly, welcome and thank you for sharing your story...what to do when you feel that lethargic? maybe it is time for you to seek professional guidance...depression is a slithering snake that can change how you view both yourself and life...and keep sharing here...yes, we are in cyber, but you can become rather close to ppl who share your trials and tribulations...go to chat, find a buddy, do something to connect to ppl...hope this was helpful and hope you find some more light in your life...big hugs
I guess I should update this..I dont feel like starting a new thread. So anyways, its been about six months since Ive thought about suicide on a daily basis. So far I have pushed away a lot of the people that are my friends except for the couple that are my best friends. For the first time in a while I was able to rest easy without having that "life is pointless" feeling while going to sleep. I can only assume that I have depression but I dont think I am going to look into it. Ill just let things flow along as they are and see where life takes me. Until then I hope I can help someone out here if they need me. Im guessing I just need to change the people in my life to make myself feel better or something. Hopefully I will figure this out.

May I ask what do you some of you do when you are having depressing or suicidal thoughts to calm you down? Drinking is certainly out of the question because I found thats when I am the most suicidal...I need ways to cope when I am feeling down. Thanks.
I still get down days, its totally normal and a part of life i'm afraid

I've found the best thing for me is to think about what i have in life, what i have achieved, who i know, who i've known, what i've done, what i plan to do. Instead of thinking about what i dont have/will never have or want.

Life is simpler when you take it right back to the basics. I know you are thinking what tf am i on about lol

Step away from your life and look at it from a 3rd parties point of view, it could be worse... trust me

I have msn if you need someone to talk to


Staff Alumni

I would look at some of our links we got .....but what helps some people is to talk about it....or write about it.....also personal ways: loud music, typing off line journal, therapy, yes- meds, and some times comming here..:sf: .and sharing your thoughts and fears with others who have been their, take care....thinking of ya....oh, and feel free to vent all ya got to here!!
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