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Confused

#1
Hey guys, my name is Kamila, I'm from Poland and I joined this forum no more than 15minutes ago.
So I was wondering if there were ppl with similar thoughts here. Not exactly sure if what I'm about to type is 100% good with the rules here but if so, just tell me and I'll delete it right away.

Let me summ it up quickly, I have a great family that I love, no partner of mine, just grandparents on both side, parents and a brother, plus an extremely loud parrot that grows on ya even when he screams ;) also gotta mention 2 members that were lost to us years ago but I won't go into details, it's just how life goes. I have little friends and those that I have... Well, I don't feel that close to them. Which is partly my fault because I often tend to withdraw and ignore them, seems like I just get these moods and even tho I feel that I'm being rude I just try to avoid answering them. Then again when we talk I feel it's always about them and they rarely ask about me.
So, most of my ugly, depressive thoughts are because of my lack of a job and a love parter (finding a job when you don't know what you want to do, dream of actually being a stay at home mom, and feeling like you are just a pain in the ass for your family) sometimes I actually think that I am not capable of loving someone aside from family, and that's sad coming from someone who comes closer and closer to 30yo. And hah, yeah add to that self esteem issues, insecurities and such, we all have those, I bet.
I dream of adding to my already existing family, by having a husband, family in law, children. Seems like trivial things, I actually am surprised that I had those thoughts today but I was thinking that I don't have what to live for, that it will not change anytime soon, I think that I should wait for my grandparents and parents to grow old and ya know, then leave whatever I have to my bro and again think seriously if I should meet my fam in the afterlife. i've never talked to anyone about those things that stress me out, never even contemplated therapy and I don't think I will, will just see how life turns out. Also, I know it's silly but I feel extremely embarrassed by this post
 

KM76710

KM stands for Kangaroo Manager
SF Supporter
#2
Hello and welcome to the forum. I think if you stick around and read around you will find many here with similar thoughts who are quite understanding folks. I am not very close emotionally with others since I am schizoid personality and always feels to be the outsider regardless of my surroundings.
 

JDot

J to the Dizzle O to the Tizzle
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#3
Hey @Milly95 It's understandable to feel the way you do. You'll always have a place here to share your thoughts and feelings. We're here for you. And we're glad to have you here.
 
#4
I didn't dig too much into other ppl stories, but already I can see that at least 2 other people have the exact same issue, what about folks here that overcame their depression? Have yall heard of dr Jordan Peterson? I bought his book, 12 rules for life, but unfortunately I got it in English and since it's not my native language it's hard to read and understand, duh, the good doc is very intelligent and educated, alas I got stuck on 2 of those rules and can't really stick to them
 

Champagne

✯✯ Heart of an angel ✯✯
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#6
Hi Kamila, a warm welcome to the forum.

You have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about talking on here - we get it, we understand that you are in a lot of pain and we understand that it is a difficult topic to talk openly about so I am really glad you decided to take the plunge and post here :)

You mentioned you have a big family, are they supportive, do they have any inkling of how you are feeling? 30 years old is young. Its very young, you could still be here in 70 plus years so let try to make the middle part of your life the best it can possibly be.

Would you talk to a doctor about these suicidal feelings? I know its hard but its the second step to recovery (you made the first by being so honest and open here, well done *hug )

Maybe think on it and you know it will be worth it to not feel so crappy and under the weather every day. You can do this :)
 
#7
Sorry that you're going through this Kamila

The links in my signature have some information about treatment methods, including some self-treatment methods for depression. Here's a copy of the links in case you're on a phone

Treating Depression, Anxiety, Insomnia and General Help
Acupressure Self-Massage for Depression, Insomnia, and Anxiety

I hope you'll be able to find a partner if you'd like to, but I also think it's possible to have a worthwhile life without a partner. I hope you'll be able to find work or have your dream of being a stay at home mom.
 

ib4uib

Well-Known Member
#8
Hey guys, my name is Kamila, I'm from Poland and I joined this forum no more than 15minutes ago.
So I was wondering if there were ppl with similar thoughts here. Not exactly sure if what I'm about to type is 100% good with the rules here but if so, just tell me and I'll delete it right away.

Let me summ it up quickly, I have a great family that I love, no partner of mine, just grandparents on both side, parents and a brother, plus an extremely loud parrot that grows on ya even when he screams ;) also gotta mention 2 members that were lost to us years ago but I won't go into details, it's just how life goes. I have little friends and those that I have... Well, I don't feel that close to them. Which is partly my fault because I often tend to withdraw and ignore them, seems like I just get these moods and even tho I feel that I'm being rude I just try to avoid answering them. Then again when we talk I feel it's always about them and they rarely ask about me. Sounds to be like they see you as a good listener, some people are good listeners, but most people are not so give yourself credit for this!
So, most of my ugly, depressive thoughts are because of my lack of a job and a love parter (finding a job when you don't know what you want to do, dream of actually being a stay at home mom, and feeling like you are just a pain in the ass for your family) sometimes I actually think that I am not capable of loving someone aside from family, and that's sad coming from someone who comes closer and closer to 30yo. And hah, yeah add to that self esteem issues, insecurities and such, we all have those, I bet.
I dream of adding to my already existing family, by having a husband, family in law, children. Seems like trivial things, I actually am surprised that I had those thoughts today but I was thinking that I don't have what to live for, that it will not change anytime soon,
Things change when you least expect it. When you crave change nothing comes, searching within yourself for a interest or hobby will put you in the position of meeting somebody the same with interests like yourself. You obviously like Parrots, is there a bird sanctuary near you that you could volunteer working at?
I think that I should wait for my grandparents and parents to grow old and ya know, then leave whatever I have to my bro and again think seriously if I should meet my fam in the afterlife. i've never talked to anyone about those things that stress me out, never even contemplated therapy and I don't think I will, will just see how life turns out. Also, I know it's silly but I feel extremely embarrassed by this post
Never feel embarrassed speaking out, it takes strength to speak out, you have crossed the first bridge by posting here!


Dbaj o siebie i bądź silny
 
#9
Hi Kamila, a warm welcome to the forum.

You have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about talking on here - we get it, we understand that you are in a lot of pain and we understand that it is a difficult topic to talk openly about so I am really glad you decided to take the plunge and post here :)

You mentioned you have a big family, are they supportive, do they have any inkling of how you are feeling? 30 years old is young. Its very young, you could still be here in 70 plus years so let try to make the middle part of your life the best it can possibly be.

Would you talk to a doctor about these suicidal feelings? I know its hard but its the second step to recovery (you made the first by being so honest and open here, well done *hug )

Maybe think on it and you know it will be worth it to not feel so crappy and under the weather every day. You can do this :)
Thank you for the support, my family doesn't know the extent of my depression, I've heard from friends that I always smile and I come across as mostly positive person. Family helps, we all support each other. Also a friend came to visit and stayed for a while so that was nice, I'm happy for her at least, she's gonna get engaged soon, thinks about starting her business along with her partner. Happy for her but at the same time it shows what I lack 🙃 Then again her family is not that great which makes me realise that you can't always have it all
 
#10
Sorry that you're going through this Kamila

The links in my signature have some information about treatment methods, including some self-treatment methods for depression. Here's a copy of the links in case you're on a phone

Treating Depression, Anxiety, Insomnia and General Help
Acupressure Self-Massage for Depression, Insomnia, and Anxiety

I hope you'll be able to find a partner if you'd like to, but I also think it's possible to have a worthwhile life without a partner. I hope you'll be able to find work or have your dream of being a stay at home mom.
Thank you ;)
Honestly, some people can live by themselves and enjoy life, I find happines in family and spending time with them so I can't imagine not creating one of my own because without it it just doesn't make sense to me
 

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