1. WhenWordsLoseAllMeaning

    WhenWordsLoseAllMeaning Well-Known Member

    Ok... This is super embarrasing for me which is why I've come here. Basically I know this girl and no matter what I try... I can't stop finding her incredibly attractive. I've known her for 6 years, we are best friends... and we live together.

    For the first 5 years of our friendship she had a boyfriend and my emotions were under control... I was genuinely happy for her and accepted there was no chance. Although I have always kept with me what she said when we were 16... which was that if she wasnt with her b/f... she wud go out with me. I'm 22 now and I still remember that - even though I doubt she does or thinks that now after all these years.

    Anyway, this sorta ties into my other thread, she split up with her boyfriend for 2 months. In this time I really wanted to at least try... but I was scared of messing up a close friendship. I'm so unsure of what I feel... I think its mainly sexual... There were a few parties where she got pretty flirty with me as if she wanted me to do something... kinda cos then if I made a move then it was on my head cos I chose to make it a sex thing and not bring emotions into it? I dunno. Examples being "get into bed if your going to" and putting her legs on me in another instance... inviting me round hers when it was just her and me then basically being there in just a short nightie.

    Despite this I was scared that I was getting the wrong end of the stick. She is now back with her b/f and we live together. She loves him... I know that much. I honestly get extremely sexually frustrated tho when I see her with skimpy shorts on... or a corset.. or whatever. People say she isnt even that hot, but to me she just does something... I dont know why, I guess cos she used to tell me so much about her sex life, and because its something I can't really have which is what makes her so attractive? She was pretty upfront with me about sex and told me the guys she got with when she was single. I know pretty much every aspect of her sex life from start to finish. What gets me is some of the guys shes had in those 2 months were complete assholes, which again made me think maybe I had a chance if she wasn't that fussy and it was just about the sex. I don't know. She didnt tell her b/f the people she slept with and actually lied to him... I know though and that again kinda pisses me off due to the fact shes with him again based on lies.

    I just feel like a pervert... I think she pretty much knows given half a chance I would bang her brains out and think of the consequences after. I know shes a cock tease too... she enjoys it, but I just kinda think there might still be something there too. What do people think and does anyone know how I can stop it? Focusing on other girls doesn't work, it just goes back to her and I don't want to not know her as a friend... I also can't tell her cos that will lose her too. I just think its unhealthy and for the 2 months she was single I kinda wished I tried it on and took that risk as she was pretty loose... and now I just regret it. I think that if I had got it out of my system the appeal might have diminished. Although I doubt we would be friends now. I know I need a g/f of my own but I really need to find a way to not constantly think of this girl sexually and getting a g/f isn't instant.

    I know this sounds a bit crap, don't get me wrong, it isn't just her looks, I think she is the funniest, most intelligent girl I know too... which makes it even harder.. If we ever had a relationship I think the sex would been amazing as shes experienced (I'm not!) but yeah, also the fact she isnt just a pretty face. I dunno, it sounds like a stupid crush... but I've had many a crush and they come and go... this has stayed for so long. Please help.
  2. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Well, if you enjoy the freandship zone then you should stay in it.
    Freanship and relashionship are two very diffrent things.
    Ussaly its easy to switch from freands to relationship
    but it much harder to switch it back, and if it will fail somewhere along the way
    then you will have some big problems with her.

    But, i know this thing also: freands CAN have sex without a relationship
    and with no shity results. Maybe you should tell her that you find her very attractive
    and that the way she looks\talks\dresses makes you fantasise about her.

    I dont think it should be difficult for you
    I used to be in a somewhat simmilar situation, and we were open minded about it.
  3. wildflower

    wildflower Member

    Stay in the friendship ZONE! If your heart has the love of friends that is what you must do. My boyfriend left me and I rebounded on my best friend.
    The sex was good, but the relationship has been destroyed and now I have
    two BROKEN HEARTS. Friends can not cross that fine line and surive. I don't care who you are. It just does not work.
  4. WhenWordsLoseAllMeaning

    WhenWordsLoseAllMeaning Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the replies guys. I am still pretty confused, as I have conflicting advice. I guess maybe its down to the two people involved whether it works or not. I dunno about just telling her I find her attractive... don't think her b/f would appreciate that, and she would tell him... Hmm. I just kinda find a way to stop the feelings really, or at least supress them.
  5. WhenWordsLoseAllMeaning

    WhenWordsLoseAllMeaning Well-Known Member

    Threads die pretty quickly in this place now don't they :(
  6. rocknrollsuicide

    rocknrollsuicide Well-Known Member

    Hi there

    I understand where you coming from.

    First of all, If I were you, I would first try to find out about these feelings you have towards her.
    There are different ways.
    One could be mingling with gay and bi girls - where? Local community centers for example with some bi and/or lesbian group in it, for instance a dance group or a theatre community project, reading through targeted gay publishing.

    It is not difficult to find them, what's hard is to first realize what we may be if we are confused about our own sexuality...and then accept it and embrace it.
    Then I would try to socialize with a few gay or bi or both girls, talking to them about your feelings towards your friend. You may find some common grounds by asking them questions.
    Mind you: although you may talk to as many people around as you wish about this, only you in the end would have the answers.
    As well as only you know the type of friendship you have with this girl. If she is mature and open enough to listen to you, to appreciate you...possibly she might not even be surprised to hear about what you feel for her. She might not even mind it. However based on what you wrote about her, I suspect she may not be the open minded type.

    It is not just a matter of being open minded.
    The matter is: what do you want?
    If I were in your shoes, I would ask myself: do I want to keep the friendship as it is or shall I be "all or nothing" and get it out of my system telling her how I feel?

    Of course it is a risk. You could end up loosing a friendship - so again, I would ask myself: is it a true, sincere, valuable friendship worth keeping?
    Or considering that she sent out flirty signals in the past to you (has this recently happened again?)... she might not even dislike the idea that you are attracted to her and actually end up getting intimately close to each other.

    Beware though: some flirty girls do enjoy teasing as it makes them feel desired therefore they know they could pull with anyone. I am not condemning these ladies, not at all. All I'm saying is that they sometimes ignore the effect their being flirty can have on close friends...

    Most important thing I believe is for you to find out about these feelings you have.
    Should you realize that you might be physically attracted to girls, well...nothing wrong with it. Embrace it and live it the best you can.
    If the going to a gay club and/or a community centre does not appeal to you, you could try the online route - browse a few gay community sites, have a read through them, if you want you can communicate with their members and so on.
    Anyway in my opinion I suppose you should try to investigate within yourself what these feelings mean to you, if it's just with her or if you would feel the same with another girl who could have the full capacity to return your affection, desire and feelings.

    Do not be afraid of your own emotions. There are all kind of feelings for friends, we just have to see wether we would really want to act on these feelings or not and why.
    Once you find out about these feelings... you'll know what to do.

    Last but not least, and again if I were you...I am not sure if I would want to continue living under the same roof with a friend who I have feelings for, whom is involved in straight relationships or one night stands with guys, which in the end does not indicate me she could possibly feel the very same way I feel for her. Does it make sense?

    By the way,these were just some points I thought I would suggest to you, with no intention to cause further confusion - quite the opposite. I have been through what you are going through... so at the risk of sounding arrogant, I think I know how you feel.

    I hope it all works out really well for you.

  7. WhenWordsLoseAllMeaning

    WhenWordsLoseAllMeaning Well-Known Member

    Thank you for such a long and thoughful reply. I will clarify though I am a guy. Hehe. Sorry if that wasn't clear, my fault!

    At the mo she is back to seeing her boyfriend, so theres no sleeping around...

    I guess your advice may change now you know I'm male? :tongue:
  8. rocknrollsuicide

    rocknrollsuicide Well-Known Member

    Well, certainly what was written before is not worth anything now that's been revealed who you are.

    You wanna have a story with your female friend since you're a guy?
    Nothing more easy than that: just tell her. Or show it to her: sometimes actions speak louder than words.
    Be sure though you are gentle with her and not misleading - the latter appears to be part of some confused people... oops!:wink::tongue:

    If it turns out that she likes you... good for you, have fun and enjoy; if not it is not meant to be and move on. She's back with her bf? There are plenty of fish in the pond out there: sure there must be one who won't be pulling your legs - good luck!

    Bye bye
  9. WhenWordsLoseAllMeaning

    WhenWordsLoseAllMeaning Well-Known Member