Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by solidpark, May 20, 2009.

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  1. solidpark

    solidpark Member

    I really want to stay around for this one female friend I have. She's basically the reason I haven't just killed myself yet. But she has borderline and is messed up herself. I can't depend on her to carry me through the dark times because she has troubles of her own. I want to live to continue to at least be there for her at least as a friend. But I still have this suicidal plans. Like trying to hang myself tomorrow. I even worked out a system to hold and support my weight. Even went as far as to us diet pills and drop as much weight as possible so the rope would be more likely to hold me up. I've tried it before but never went about it as elaborate as I have now. I just cleaned out my closet to make room for the stuff i plan to balance my weight. I don't want to die but I just don't feel like I can be happy in this world. I thought getting this girl would satisfy me but I'm not even sure anymore. I just don't want to leave her behind. I should be thinking about the rest of my family but even they don't know me as well as she does(should)
  2. ~Tosh~

    ~Tosh~ Forum Buddy

    im sorry your feeling so low, that you've actually planned it out to the last detail, we here can help support you if you allow us to, thats what we are here for, you dont always have to rely on that one friend you have, mmaybe direct her here yourself, she may also find support she needs. no matter how desperate you feel, someone will always be here, willing ot help you through the bad patch, you just need to find the courage and ask us for help, if you see what i mean. if you dont want to die, then just try talking to someone new, they may be able to offer you better ideas as a way to cope through the rough times. they helped me, let them help you too :hug:
  3. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Welcome to the forum. Hopefully you can and will come to depend on us to carry you through the dark times.

    As you stated, and probably rightfully so, she sounds like she may have issues of her own which will prevent her from assisting you in your time of need.

    Please take a step back and consider those you love and give this forum a chance to work for you.

    Please feel free to send me a private message any time...I respond to all.
  4. solidpark

    solidpark Member

    I don't know anymore. I just do stuff now. I don't really stop and think stuff through anymore. Plus leaning so much on alcohol now doesn't help much. Or actually is has sort of helped because anytime I've felt suicidal and had plans drinking alcohol would put me in a good mood and then make me to tired to follow through with any plans. But I know that's not a healthy system.
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